Icky in July

I told the Chiropractor today that the 100 degree weather must be breeding super spores because there is no other reason so many people could be sick right now.

I woke up yesterday with a horrible sore throat.  Not dibilitating, but horrible.  By the time time I went to bed (at 7pm) I had a fever and a sore throat so bad I could barely swallow without wanting to cry.  My glands were so swollen and painful that it was almost unbelievable.  I’ve never had a sore throat explode so quickly.  Usually they start with a tickle and grow.  I was sure I had strep.  I was wrong.  

The doctor said I didn’t have strep, unless it was a strain they can’t test for, so he figured it was some sort of viral infection.  That means antibiotics wouldn’t cure it, but he gave me antibiotics anyway just in case it was a bacterial infection of some sort.  He also gave me a medicated mouthwash and hydrocodone for the pain.  I’ve never had a sore throat that looked so gross the doctor would think to give me hydrocodone because he just knew it hurt that bad.  Too bad the hydrocodone makes me want to throw up if I even move.  I’m feeling 75% better, so I’m hoping that will be the last hydrocodone I have to take.  How do people become addicted to that stuff? Blah.

I really like my doctor, as a person, but not like a doctor.  Here are a few reasons why…

1.  I told him that we couldn’t get pregnant (he knew we had been trying and had gone on Clomid per the OBGYN) and that Clomid and IUI’s had failed.  I told him that our last and only option was IVF and he said “is that the one where they implant the embryos?”  Yikes.

2.  I told him I’d been diagnosed with PCOS and he said “I don’t think so, because you aren’t overweight.” Double yikes.

3.  Today I told him I’ve been going to the chiropractor and he said “okay.. but you know they always do the same thing no matter what your problem is.”  Yea, they fix spines.. imagine that they’d always treat the spine when you go in.  Weird!

So, I know I need a new doctor, but I’ve been so busy finding a new OBGYN and going to the Chiropractor that I haven’t had time to start with a new doctor.  I mean, it’s not just me, right?  He’s obviously too old for what I need in this day and age.  I need a doctor who understands that being overweight is one of the many symptoms of PCOS and not the indicator.  I need a doctor who knows what IVF is without having to ask.  I will work on finding this doctor soon!

Oh a different note, my chiropractor is awesome!  I’ve been for four adjustments this week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and today).  I was sick as a dog when I went in today, but it takes two minutes so I didn’t think it would be a big deal.  It wasn’t a big deal and I’m so glad I went.  i’m glad I started going.  My back feels a million times better.  I found out that my neck is curved the wrong way (reverse curve) and the bottom of my spine is crunched.  They say it’s due to an injury I got when i was young.  I can think of one good fall that had me swearing up and down that I’d broken my butt bone.  It involved roller skates and not understanding how roller skate brakes work.  I just don’t know why it wasn’t noticed when i went 10 years ago.  They say they should be able to reverse both , but the neck is going to take longer.  They want to take another round of X-rays in two months, but I told them that wouldn’t be possible… I hope I hope I hope! 🙂  I will just have to take his word for it that it’s fixed.  They can re X-ray in a year. 😉

Also, gluten free is going well. I’m amazed how many restaurants list their gluten information and have alternatives readily available.  I really want to learn to make gluten free bread, but since I’m super new to this whole thing, I’m having a hard time understanding the recipes.  All sorts of strange flours, and I’m not sure if you can buy them already made because a lot of them say that they grind their own flour?  Hopefully i’ll get the hang of it.  Tomorrow is my last day at work so i’m going to have plenty of time to learn!

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Chiropractor

Oh yes. It’s about time I went back.  My lower back keeps having issues and my upper back is so tight and tense that it’s getting harder to move my neck around.  Saying that, the chiropractor said “whoa!” when he was feeling around on my shoulder/neck area.  That’s probably a good sign, right?  I got all the X-rays done today and I go back on Monday so he can tell me how messed up I am.  He also said “we need to figure out what’s going on in your lower back” which is where I’m getting my current, new pain.  Hmm. Must be something fun because when he felt around back there, it hurt like a sonamabitch.  He also found my headache starting spot.  I could feel my normal headache radiate down when he touched the spot. Ah! That must be why rubbing that spot when I have a headache can cause some temporary relief. Ugh, how much is this going to cost me once my insurance is done paying? Eep.

On a completely different, yet similar note, I read on the American Pregnant Association (APA) website that going to the chiropractor can help with infertility! Wee!  I know I’m doing IVF, but if I can make my body healthier and more in tune, maybe it will help the little guys stick once they are in there. Along with my new gluten free diet i’m starting I’m feeling pretty good! Getting psyched!

Being Happy For Others

So, I know this might sound crazy, but I am not upset by people who can easily have babies.  I don’t get anxious or mad when it’s time to go to a baby shower, and I don’t avoid my pregnant friends.  Unless I’m pumped up on hormones like when I was doing IUI’s… heh… then I was outrageously mad at all of those things.  I wonder if it has something to do with my natural hormone levels?  Do I have such a high androgen level that I sometimes think more like a guy?  It that possible? 

I like to think of it this way, I am so happy for my friends that don’t have to go through this, that I couldn’t even begin to be unhappy for them.  They don’t have to cry over negative pregnancy tests, or inject hormones into their stomachs, or go broke to try and start a family.  That makes me HAPPY for them!  I say it’s a good thing that someone can have children, or the human race would dwindle away to nothing if it were up to me!  Imagine if I were the last woman on earth? I would literally be the last woman on earth, because there is no way I’d be able to make a baby in a pinch.

My biggest complaint with pregnant friends, or friends who are trying to get pregnant, or friends who are considering trying to get pregnant is that sometimes they don’t use those brain things that they carry around in their skulls.  Like, for example, you don’t say “I’m going to get pregnant in the fall so that my maternity leave and my summer vacation (teacher) line up perfectly!” or “I just KNOW I’ll get pregnant first thing because I have birthing hips!” in front of someone who is currently telling you that they cannot get pregnant, even with medical help.  That is what makes me want to punch you.  That is why I don’t want to go to your baby shower or get you a present.  THINK before you speak! THINK!

Don’t hate others because they have the ability to do something we hope and pray and dream about.  Don’t bring down their happy feelings and make them walk on egg shells because you are going through problems.  It’s not fair for them to cater to your feelings and needs all of the time.  If you got pregnant, you’d want to shout it from the rooftops too.  Just make sure they know that EVERYONE around them thinks shouting everyday from the rooftops is annoying and uncalled for.

So what am I saying? I’m saying, you should be happy for nice friends, and let your friends who are overly in your face about their pregnancies know that they should find someone else to chat with for awhile, but do it in the nicest way possible.  I’ve deleted multiple pregnant people off of my Facebook and Pinterest without telling them.  It’s not their fault I don’t want to see their posts every 15 seconds.  Come on, did you seriously post 30 new pictures of nurseries on Pinterest? Do you need that many?  Will I want that many? Will I get the chance to be that annoying one day?  I hope I can remember how I feel right now and not go crazy.  My ultimate goal is to keep the pregnancy a secret on Facebook until the baby is out and healthy and maybe a couple years old.   That might be extreme, but I do plan on keeping it off Facebook until a baby is born.  Or until one is adopted… whichever is the path we have to take.

Was this confusing? Did I contradict myself?  I know what i’m TRYING to say, but I’m not sure if I got it across all that well.

Be Happy – Be Nice – Don’t keep a friend who isn’t nice – Deletions are okay

I should probably reread this a few times when I start the hormones for IVF.  I might forget a couple of these. 🙂

Reaching Out

Today I, and a friend of mine, are going to send a message to a friend on Facebook.  She’s not one of our currently close friends, but she’s been a friend since High School and we love her.  She is hilarious and full of life and love.  So when we started seeing messages like “I cannot plan my life on my time. I must trust in God’s timing” we started to get ideas in our head.  Ideas that she is probably experiencing something of what we’ve experienced.  Infertility.  The dreaded “I” word.

Is it wrong to reach out to someone like that? To say “hey, you are letting your vulnerability show and we can see it!”  I would say yes, but I know that when I reached out to a friend and finally had someone else to talk to about it, I felt amazing.  The weight off my shoulders was huge.  I had someone to yell with, to inform me and to tell me everything is going to be alright.  Someone who had been through it all, and that was important.  I also reached out to another high school friend when I saw that she had “been through a procedure.”  I just knew it was an HSG.  Don’t know how I knew, but I did.  I can sense these things now. I can see hurt in small messages and low growls at baby showers.  I can feel the hurt.

I hope she’s not experiencing these things, but if she is, I hope I can be of some help and comfort to her in this time in her life.

Confusion

Every month I think I might be pregnant, even though I’m on birth control.  How ridiculous is that?  I can’t even get pregnant on my own without birth control, yet every month my boobs get sore and my back starts aching, and I get a headache and the munchies and I think… just maybe!  I wonder if that feeling every goes away?  Maybe that means I just have more hope then I think I do. Hmm.

Well, my lady friend is on the way.  Should be here literally any minute.  I recently switched to a lower dose birth control because it makes me feel more normal, mood wise, but makes me feel ickier everywhere else.  Probably because it doesn’t control my hormones as much as it should.  The oily skin, breakouts, hair growth and PMS symptoms are all in full bloom.  At least my sex drive is back! Woo!  Might as well get it on now since making a baby will require doctors and tubes and petrie dishes. Sexy. 

So, I’m not sure where i’m going with this entry, but let me ask you all this…. how will you handle the birds and the bees with your children?  Will you tell them the standard ‘when man a woman really love each other they get naked and do a dance.” (I never got “the talk” but I assume that’s how it goes). or will you say “when a man and a woman really love each other, sometimes they do a naked dance, but sometimes they pay thousands of dollars to have their eggs vacuumed out, their swimmers collected in a cup, and then they have all that mess put together and inserted into the woman with a turkey baster.” Ah, magical! THAT’S a love story right there!  And to tell you the truth, i’m not being sarcastic.  If you are willing to go through all of that to make a child with the person you love, that truly is love.  Go out and love, my infertile friends, and make little dish babies!!  And if you can’t make dish babies, remember that you and your husband love each other so much that you went through all of this together. Every step of the way.  That is an amazing thing.  

Quitting All Of The Things

I am currently trying to get my body prepped for this fall.  I started by cutting out alcohol.  Not that I was a big drinker to begin with, but I’d have my nights every now and then. You know the ones where you wake up cursing yourself for thinking a bottle and a half of wine is something you can totally handle?  Now my goal is to quit caffeine.  So far it’s been two days since my last caffeine…. ah!  Sweet tea in restaurants, I will miss you most.

I’ve been wondering if there is anything else that should be cut out of my diet.  I am cutting the stress out of my life by quitting my job (woo!), but I wonder if there are more environmental things I can do.  I want to be at my best when we go in for IVF.  

I’ve heard people try to cut back on sugar.  I’m not sure that’s a possibility after cutting out caffeine though.  What keeps you awake?  Maybe they mean processed sugar, like cookies and little debbies?  I hope so, because I don’t eat a lot of that.  Ice cream is my weakness.  Mint Chocolate Chip to be precise.  Could I give that up? Should I give that up?

What have you heard you should do before IVF?  Any sort of exercises or special dieting?  Should I meditate?  Where does one go to learn to meditate?  Can you google that? I bet you can… Ah, yes. Howtomeditate.org. Of course!

I think I’ll get some ice cream and go take a bath. That is my kind of meditation.