When It’s Easier to Plug-in, Unplug.

I knew today would be hard when I cracked open my eyes to see what time it was at it was only 5:54.  My daughter, standing at the side of my bed, leaning her face into my face, quietly asking if she could snuggle.  I peered back at her through blurry, glasses-less eyes and said “it’s too early, go ask your daddy….”  (He was on the other side of the bed, mind you).

I guess my answer should have been “sure, baby girl.  I know it’s an hour before your get-up clock says it’s okay to be in our room, but you never listen to that anyway because you are strong and independent, and I admire that!”

I just don’t like to be woken up, and especially not so damned early.  Turns out my son was working on a bowel movement and woke up 23 minutes later, screaming his face off.

This is motherhood.  It’s real and it’s raw.  It’s opening your weary eyes and having to immediately “get to work,” so to speak.  There is no waking up when your body says so, or going to the bathroom, or brushing your teeth, or drinking your tea/coffee while you listen to the silence of the earth rotating in space.  It’s just non-stop noise, dancing, hitting, yelling, eating, crying, screaming, laughing…. and that’s just from the four year old.

So, today, on day five of a very long week, I should have thrown my hands into the air and said “screw it!  Here’s an iPad, and the TV, and any snack you want, just be quiet for five minutes!!!” But, I didn’t.  I breathed through it.  I even did exercises every time I got frustrated (so, quite a workout).  I kept the TV off, I kept the iPad upstairs and my phone hidden.  I know that these things wear on my daughters mind.  They make her anxious and keep her mind running with all the noise and all the flashing colors.  She needed to be unplugged today, and so did I.

Sometimes the silence of being unplugged can be harder to fill with patience, because it definitely takes more work, but today, so far, has been an improvement on yesterday…. and that’s really all I’m asking for.

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It Was The Bra…

My mom has a habit of blaming anything but the thing that needs to be blamed.  She used to blame my panic attacks on asthma.  She used to blame my pale skin on anemia.  She used to blame a hot day on my dads bad attitude.  She loves to blame the wrong thing to make herself feel better, when in reality, my panic attacks were from stress, my pale skin was from being sick, my dads bad attitude was because he is an alcoholic.

So, you see, she doesn’t make a whole lot of since.

Recently she had a scare.  She found a dimple on her breast and was terrified that it was cancer.  After a lot of searching, testing, and getting felt up, it was confirmed that she did not.  Yesterday she posted an article on Facebook about how bras do more harm than good, maybe even causing cancer.  Okay, maybe bras suck, but you’d think she would stop smoking cigarettes after a cancer scare, instead of burning all her bras.  But this is what she does.  She blames her mother quitting smoking for the reason her mother developed pancreatic cancer.  This is a direct quote “She quit smoking then, BAM!  Ten years later, pancreatic cancer.”

I wish that was a joke.  I think it would make for a very funny line in a movie where they are trying to prove that someones mother has lost their damn mind, but it’s not funny in reality, because she really, truly believes that… somehow.

I wish I could convince her to stop smoking.  I very much love my mom, but you know, if she stops smoking… bam…. ??