I grew up in a family filled with women who are absolute bosses. The women were the ones doing the painting, taking care of the pool equipment, fixing broken appliances, and also cooking, cleaning, and raising kids. They kick so much ass, and really go against the grain of most gender norms. They taught me to be the same way, but it does feel very lonely out here still, even as the tides begin to slowly change.
I love doing the yard work (unless it’s 110 degrees), I love painting rooms in the house, I love putting together furniture.
But I’m one of only a handful of my women friends who enjoy this type of thing, and that’s fine. Not wanting to do these things isn’t the problem. The problem comes when women, and men, say things like “laundry is women’s work,” or “yardwork is man’s work.” And you’d think we would be past this by now, but I still hear it all the time. Even when I am out mowing, I’ll have neighbors that I barely know say “Hey, why isn’t your husband doing this?” Um, cause I am perfectly capable, Brenda. Now, get off my lawn! (Yeah, I’m almost 40, I get to say things like this, but only to other adults, kids are welcome as long as they don’t touch my plants!)
What do we teach kids when they hear things like this? What if these girls don’t even want to attempt to put a piece of furniture together, and can never feel that high of putting in that last screw and standing back to bask in the glory of a finished bookshelf. She now has a place for all of her comic books and Legos! What if our boys never want to try cooking? Some of the worlds best chefs are men… so the fact that this “cooking is women’s work” thing still exists is unbelievable. I even know a guy who refused to let his toddler boy have a kitchen playset… and he worked in a restaurant with a mostly male cooking crew! WHAT?
I don’t really know why I needed to vent about this. Maybe it’s because I just finished putting together a piece of furniture and I’m still riding that high. I want everyone to be able to feel accomplished in whatever they want to try. So, stop speaking to your kids in gender certainties. If you are a women, and you hate yardwork, don’t say it’s “man’s work,” say “it’s just not something I personally enjoy.” This leaves the door cracked for your kids, so they know that if they want to step through that door, it’ll be okay, no matter their gender.
Wifey, Mommy, and What Have You 