32 Weeks Tomorrow

Tomorrow I will be 32 weeks pregnant with my little guy.  I’m in that stage of being confused by whether I want time to speed up or slow down.  My body wants to be done, but my mind is all like “you want to have two kids to take care of right now? Huh? HUH?!”  The majority of the time, my mind is still winning and my body is staying silent… ish.

So far we’ve got most of his room done.  I find myself wanting to mimic our daughters room in a way.  I don’t want him to have more things than her, or less things than her.  I want them to both feel that their spaces are happy and have had a lot of love put into them.  I made my daughter most of her decorations.  I painted three animal paintings, painted letters spelling out her first name for her wall, and painted a three picture frame to hang her ultrasound pictures on the wall.  So far, for our little guy, I’ve got one animal picture painting done and his name craft done, which we have to hide until he’s born because it’s a secret. Shhhhhh….  Anyway, I’m getting closer, but my body is revolting in my free time and making me sleep instead of craft.  Maybe I’ll have all his crafts done by the time he starts kindergarten!

I’m still freaking out a little.  Especially since my daughter is currently fighting naps.  *sob sob sob*  She’s 2.5, and not taking it well at all.  She still needs naps, but for some reason she just isn’t most days.  I feel like she knows something is about the change.  Something big….. (and not just my belly, which is huge).  I’m just hoping she goes back to napping more frequently so that I can nap more frequently too!  I’d pay her money, but she doesn’t understand bribes yet.  Too bad too… I’d definitely pay $50 for a nap.  She doesn’t know what she’s missing!

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It’s Been A Long Time

You know, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  I thought I’d update everyone who is still using my blog as a place to learn about a girl with PCOS who went through the ringer to get what she wanted.  It’s only fair that I update on what life is like after you get what you want!

To be honest, it’s amazing.  I don’t mean it in a “i’m blogging and I’m putting on my happy face” way either.  It really is amazing… although that doesn’t mean it’s not also tough.  I have a tiny little person who thinks I’m the greatest thing in the whole world.  (I’m not tooting my own horn either, she just spends A LOT of time with me and has become attached).  I’m not complaining…. at this moment.  Sometimes having a 1.5 year old want nothing but mommy 24/7 is hard, no doubt about it.  It’s exhausting, and you WILL consider running away and hiding in the closet.  Then you’ll realize that she can walk now, and she followed you and is actually sitting beside you in the closet.  She’s also saying the word “tiger” over and over again, but you didn’t notice all of that because that is pretty much ten full hours of your day anyway.  Then you laugh and realize this little person is hilarious, and really loves you, and REALLY loves tiger.

The days go on, and they feel the same, but every few days I look at her and she is a different person.  She doesn’t just look different, she knows more.  She is more kid than baby now.  She has a lot of hair (although still a bit lacking on top), her belly is thinning out, her legs are getting longer and stronger, and her face shows expressions of amusement, confusion, boredom, surprise, and anger.  She knows how to tell me what she wants and needs.  She thinks things, and then she says them.  I mean…. come on! What makes a person more of a person than the ability to express thoughts and desires?

I enjoy my days, even though I do call in backup from grandparents, or a little change of scenery with a play date.  On the weekends I have daddy get up and do the breakfast deal, because feeding her is the most frustrating part of my days.  I have no shame.  Mommies need time to themselves, so if I can get it, I’m gonna get it.  You should too, especially if you are a stay at home mom.  You don’t want to get burnt out from your job, there is no quitting this one!

My life is so different.  I feel so happy and so emotional most days.  Some days I feel trapped and frustrated.  Some days I wish the day had ten more hours.  Some days I am done after 30 minutes of getting out of bed.  Would I change anything though?  No…. I wouldn’t.  I get to watch this little human, who is half me, grow and learn and love.  I get to see her face light up when her grandpa walks into the room.  I get to see her dance when a song that catches her ear fills her with her own funky groove.  I get hugs and kisses.

She loves me and I love her, and we are happy and healthy.  Life keeps changing, and I’m going to try to keep you more updated!