Being Happy For Others

So, I know this might sound crazy, but I am not upset by people who can easily have babies.  I don’t get anxious or mad when it’s time to go to a baby shower, and I don’t avoid my pregnant friends.  Unless I’m pumped up on hormones like when I was doing IUI’s… heh… then I was outrageously mad at all of those things.  I wonder if it has something to do with my natural hormone levels?  Do I have such a high androgen level that I sometimes think more like a guy?  It that possible? 

I like to think of it this way, I am so happy for my friends that don’t have to go through this, that I couldn’t even begin to be unhappy for them.  They don’t have to cry over negative pregnancy tests, or inject hormones into their stomachs, or go broke to try and start a family.  That makes me HAPPY for them!  I say it’s a good thing that someone can have children, or the human race would dwindle away to nothing if it were up to me!  Imagine if I were the last woman on earth? I would literally be the last woman on earth, because there is no way I’d be able to make a baby in a pinch.

My biggest complaint with pregnant friends, or friends who are trying to get pregnant, or friends who are considering trying to get pregnant is that sometimes they don’t use those brain things that they carry around in their skulls.  Like, for example, you don’t say “I’m going to get pregnant in the fall so that my maternity leave and my summer vacation (teacher) line up perfectly!” or “I just KNOW I’ll get pregnant first thing because I have birthing hips!” in front of someone who is currently telling you that they cannot get pregnant, even with medical help.  That is what makes me want to punch you.  That is why I don’t want to go to your baby shower or get you a present.  THINK before you speak! THINK!

Don’t hate others because they have the ability to do something we hope and pray and dream about.  Don’t bring down their happy feelings and make them walk on egg shells because you are going through problems.  It’s not fair for them to cater to your feelings and needs all of the time.  If you got pregnant, you’d want to shout it from the rooftops too.  Just make sure they know that EVERYONE around them thinks shouting everyday from the rooftops is annoying and uncalled for.

So what am I saying? I’m saying, you should be happy for nice friends, and let your friends who are overly in your face about their pregnancies know that they should find someone else to chat with for awhile, but do it in the nicest way possible.  I’ve deleted multiple pregnant people off of my Facebook and Pinterest without telling them.  It’s not their fault I don’t want to see their posts every 15 seconds.  Come on, did you seriously post 30 new pictures of nurseries on Pinterest? Do you need that many?  Will I want that many? Will I get the chance to be that annoying one day?  I hope I can remember how I feel right now and not go crazy.  My ultimate goal is to keep the pregnancy a secret on Facebook until the baby is out and healthy and maybe a couple years old.   That might be extreme, but I do plan on keeping it off Facebook until a baby is born.  Or until one is adopted… whichever is the path we have to take.

Was this confusing? Did I contradict myself?  I know what i’m TRYING to say, but I’m not sure if I got it across all that well.

Be Happy – Be Nice – Don’t keep a friend who isn’t nice – Deletions are okay

I should probably reread this a few times when I start the hormones for IVF.  I might forget a couple of these. 🙂


3 thoughts on “Being Happy For Others

  1. I agree! I think my envy is more for people that I don’t really know well… I don’t have any best friends who are pregnant yet, just one who has been trying for 9 months and I SO want her to be pregnant. I think if it were any of the people I love in my life, I would be nothing but happy and ecstatic for them (of course though, I am speaking from a position right now of NOT having years of infertility, and all of the stuff.. so.. yea, I don’t really have the history yet).
    But you are right, we should be grateful that others are not dealing with what we are dealing with. Even if they are obnoxious (for example, my old college “friend” who said some very nasty things about my spouse and my relationship to me when I came out to her about my spouse being Trans), well she had a kid and then recently she e-mailed me and said she’s about to give birth to her second kid (I haven’t been keeping up tabs). Her first kid is only like.. 2. So anyway I felt a tinge of pain because already she thinks her life is so perfect and mine is not. She actually had suggested that I divorce my husband and marry her insane brother because he was ready to start a family. WTF? So HER, yes HER I get a bit pissy about. lol
    But anyway, thanks for your writing. I found it compelling 🙂

    • I like that you refer to her as your “friend” with quotations and all. I do the same thing when speaking about certain friends who have brain-to-mouth connection problems.
      I don’t blame you for being pissy at her specifically, she sounds like a peach. I’ve never heard of someone suggesting a divorce based purely on the grounds that you could start a family faster with the other person. Isn’t marriage based on a little bit more than that?
      I hope that you don’t have to have the history of infertility. It can make you a little bitter after a while, but after our miscarriage and failed IUI’s, I had a lot of time to think. I had an epiphany about life and what it means for me. It has given me a lot more understanding about why things happen and why they don’t. I’m glad for it because I know infertility swallows a lot of people whole. I didn’t want to live my life in the belly of the beast.
      Thank you for the compliment! I very much enjoyed your comment!

  2. Great post! I agree that the offensive/annoying parts are the lame comments, not the actual conceptions. 🙂 You have a good perspective on relating to friends and their pregnancies during this time. I’ve been feeling my way through that as well. Good luck!

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