It’s Been A Long Time

You know, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  I thought I’d update everyone who is still using my blog as a place to learn about a girl with PCOS who went through the ringer to get what she wanted.  It’s only fair that I update on what life is like after you get what you want!

To be honest, it’s amazing.  I don’t mean it in a “i’m blogging and I’m putting on my happy face” way either.  It really is amazing… although that doesn’t mean it’s not also tough.  I have a tiny little person who thinks I’m the greatest thing in the whole world.  (I’m not tooting my own horn either, she just spends A LOT of time with me and has become attached).  I’m not complaining…. at this moment.  Sometimes having a 1.5 year old want nothing but mommy 24/7 is hard, no doubt about it.  It’s exhausting, and you WILL consider running away and hiding in the closet.  Then you’ll realize that she can walk now, and she followed you and is actually sitting beside you in the closet.  She’s also saying the word “tiger” over and over again, but you didn’t notice all of that because that is pretty much ten full hours of your day anyway.  Then you laugh and realize this little person is hilarious, and really loves you, and REALLY loves tiger.

The days go on, and they feel the same, but every few days I look at her and she is a different person.  She doesn’t just look different, she knows more.  She is more kid than baby now.  She has a lot of hair (although still a bit lacking on top), her belly is thinning out, her legs are getting longer and stronger, and her face shows expressions of amusement, confusion, boredom, surprise, and anger.  She knows how to tell me what she wants and needs.  She thinks things, and then she says them.  I mean…. come on! What makes a person more of a person than the ability to express thoughts and desires?

I enjoy my days, even though I do call in backup from grandparents, or a little change of scenery with a play date.  On the weekends I have daddy get up and do the breakfast deal, because feeding her is the most frustrating part of my days.  I have no shame.  Mommies need time to themselves, so if I can get it, I’m gonna get it.  You should too, especially if you are a stay at home mom.  You don’t want to get burnt out from your job, there is no quitting this one!

My life is so different.  I feel so happy and so emotional most days.  Some days I feel trapped and frustrated.  Some days I wish the day had ten more hours.  Some days I am done after 30 minutes of getting out of bed.  Would I change anything though?  No…. I wouldn’t.  I get to watch this little human, who is half me, grow and learn and love.  I get to see her face light up when her grandpa walks into the room.  I get to see her dance when a song that catches her ear fills her with her own funky groove.  I get hugs and kisses.

She loves me and I love her, and we are happy and healthy.  Life keeps changing, and I’m going to try to keep you more updated!

A Quick Update

Daddy is currently “playing” (holding baby girl while she sleeps) with the baby, so I thought I’d hop on and let you all know that we are all doing great!  The no sleep thing is kind of nuts, to be honest, but I just can’t seem to mind when I know that it’s for my little girl.  Especially the hour or so a night where she just looks at me.  No squirming, no eating, no noises…. she’s just looking at me.  That is when we have our deepest conversations. 🙂

She hates the bassinet…. or anything that requires her to not be held.  That girl LOVES to be held.  She will only sleep if she is being cuddled in bed by me.  I’m not a fan of co-sleeping, but while she’s so little I just can’t let her cry and be upset.  That will probably change, but for now I am going to do whatever I can to make her happy.  She is my little love.  Oh, and for those of you who are currently pregnant… the love you feel is instant. As soon as you see their tiny, naked, goo-covered body, you instantly fall in love.  A deep love too… totally different from anything you’ve ever known.  It’s amazing.  So, for those of you who are still going through this insanity of infertility… please keep trying.  Don’t give up hope and think it’s not for you.  This IS for you, and I wish it for you more than I wish for anything else.

Now, cluster feeding.  I always thought that happened once your milk came in, but I was wrong.  She’s been cluster feeding since night two (it’s only been three nights… although it feels like it’s been a couple weeks already).  It’s very hard on the sleep and the nipples.  The nipples….. they are hard and sore and may never be the same again, but I know it could be worse.  The lactation consultant saved my arse.  If I had gone home doing what I was doing, I would have been in so much pain.  Talk to those ladies! They know what they are doing!

Okay, I will now leave you with a picture of my cankles…. which came AFTER delivery.  It’s normal apparently.  I wish I could say it’s the worst pain I’m experiencing… but that would have to be the pain from the stitches from the TWO tears… ouchy.

Worth it!!

 

 

 

For those of you wondering what her name is, I’m sorry but I won’t be posting it on this blog.  It’s somewhat unusual and I’m scared that a Google search of the name will lead people here.  As soon as I have lots of free time, I plan on updating my blog with my real name and information.  It’s all about my new life as a mom.  It will feature everything except information on my infertility.  As soon as that is updated and ready to go, I will let those of you who are curious know how to find me.  Then you can hear all about her and her loveliness… and me trying to figure out how to do this mommy thing!

Thank you to everyone who shared so much love with me on my last entry! I plan on messaging you all back, but it will have to wait until next time!