Dear Ovaries,

Hey, it’s me, your human.  I know you got a bum deal in this whole life, having PCOS and all (I’m super sorry about that — genetics are a bitch), but could we talk about this painful exploding feeling we’ve been experiencing lately?

It’s not that I don’t like the feeling of you being bruised and broken after I have sex with my husband, it’s just that I don’t.  It is horrible.  I didn’t even know that cysts could rupture during sex.  Why is that a thing?  We weren’t performing an acrobatic sexual act either. Missionary should not cause exploding ovaries, it’s just not right.

So, when I go to the OB on Wednesday for my ultrasound, let’s not have a million cysts on each ovary.  I mean, I suspect that is not the outcome I’ll have, since I’ve been having ovarian pain for the past few months, but come on, after all we’ve been through!  Is this payback for the Clomid, the IUI’s, and the IVF?  I get it, those things sucked, and I put you through absolute torment trying to make a cute little baby for me to snuggle, but we did it! We made a baby!  She’s amazing and awesome, but she’s very hard to take care of when I want to throw up from ovary pain.  So, let’s make a deal.  You had your fun getting back at me with a rupture during sex.  We are even now.  K?  Love you!  Mean it!

Yours always (or until my super early hysterectomy, which is almost a 100% genetic guarantee),
-Me

16 Week Appointment

Yesterday was my 16 week appointment.  Standard appointment (from what I’ve been told about appointments).  Pee in a cup, blood pressure and then a chat with the doctor about how I’m feeling, followed by listening to the heartbeat.  I love the heartbeat. 🙂  It was right around 145, which she said was great.  Then she measured my stomach/bump/uterus?  That’s when she decided that I was measuring too big for 16w3d. I had no idea what that meant.. maybe the RE shouldn’t have pushed my due date back four days?  The doctor told me that it usually means that there is extra amniotic fluid, which isn’t bad, but she wanted to do an ultrasound asap to check and see exactly what was causing it and have it documented.

Okay, no biggy.  So I went to check out and the lady saw the note and said “I’m going to see if they can get you in right now!”  Huh, uh oh! I thought maybe next week sometime.  So she goes to the back and finds out that they can fit me in soon.  So I go to the waiting room and text my husband like crazy.  I couldn’t bring myself to Google it.  I was surrounded by people in the waiting room and didn’t want to get emotional if I did read something bad.  Luckily my husband is awesome and he Googled and let me know that the few things that could cause it, aren’t serious. Whew!  I was still upset that he couldn’t be there, but I figured it would be a quick in and out and on my way.

Within about 20-25 minutes, I was called back.  Warm, gooey gel was applied (yay for gel warmers!) and then I asked “hey, is there anyway you might be able to tell what the sex is today?”  She said she thought there was… woooo!! I might be able to surprise my husband with something!!  Now I was super excited.

She checked the fluid and everything looked perfect.  She measured the baby and everything looked fine.  Then she checked my ovaries and they were good.  One small cyst on my left ovary, probably left over from the IVF stuff.  Nothing to worry about.  She said that everything looked great and the only thing that would have me measuring big is my long, skinny uterus.  haha  So, there you go.  My uterus is big.  It’s actually spread a little above my belly button, which she said is a little higher than normal for this far along.  Apparently it should be right at my belly button?  Eh, everything is fine so I don’t care how big my uterus is.

….and I got to find out the sex!!!!

It’s a….

 

It’s a…..

 

It’s a GIRL!! 🙂

My husband is so excited.  I love to see him like this.  We even started a list of names last night!  I am so glad we got to find out early, because we have TONS of stuff do to around the house before another person can live here!  Let the cleaning, purging and painting… BEGIN!!

 

A BABY GIRL!!

OB Appointment and NT scan

Today was a much anticipated day here in our house!  Finally! Our first OB appointment!  I went in and had my urine taken, my weight checked (135 – lower than my normal weight of 138) and my blood pressure checked.  Everything looked good so I moved into the room… with no ultrasound machine.  Say whaaaat??  As my husband and I waited the hour (just kidding, but it did feel like an hour) for the doctor to come in, we speculated that the ultrasound machine must be on wheels.  Once the doctor came in, holding nothing but a fetal doppler, I knew that the ultrasound was a no-go again.  I asked, and she said that since we had one at 7 weeks with our RE, that we wouldn’t have one there until 20 and that I had an NT scan later that day so they would be doing one anyway.  I’m pretty sure they are just amazingly lazy and decided to let us do the NT scan in place of the scan they would probably do if we weren’t going to do the NT scan.  Oh well, no big deal, we just had to wait another hour and a half…. ahhhh!!  So, anyway, she goes over all the basic things.  What to eat, what not to eat, get some exercise (I should probably start doing that one day) and that heating pads, allergy medicine and the chiropractor are all good things.  Yay! I can start going back to the chiropractor soon!  My tweaked back will appreciate it.

Then…. it was time…. time to try and locate the heartbeat.  She started off by saying “don’t worry if we can’t find it right away, sometimes it takes a little while.”  So, another hour goes by (jk, you know, probably a full minute) and finally she finds it!… for about a half a second and then squirrel decided to squirm away.  The second time she found it, I decided no breathing until she found out how fast it was.  154! Perfect, she says. 🙂  Finally, some confirmation that there is a little thing growing inside of me still!  Overjoyed, I tell ya!  Now it was time to go grab something to eat and then head to the next appointment for the NT scan!

So, after a yummy Brueggers Bagel, the husband and I ran one quick Christmas present errand and then went over to the hospital.  This is an old hospital, and it shows.  Dingy chairs, dingy bathroom, dingy hallways… but that’s beside the point (update your hospital, people!)  So we are called back to go over the verbal information.  What the test was, what they were looking for, what happens if they find something that may indicate Downs Syndrome, or Trisomy 13 or 18.  Yes, yes, nods nods.  Show us our baby!  We sign all the paperwork and go back to the waiting room.  Soon the ultrasound technician comes and gets us.  Probably the sweetest lady ever born, but I haven’t met all the ladies of the world, so I can’t say for sure.  She has to be top 100 though.  She was just as excited (or seemed to be) to see our baby as we were.  This makes the experience that much better.  Who wants a lazy tech who’s “seen it all”?  Not me!  So, yes, there is squirrel!  Beautiful, beautiful squirrel!  Head, body, arms and legs!  It moves around when you poke at it with an ultrasound wand too! 🙂  So amazing.  I wish I had an ultrasound machine at home so I could just stare at it all day.  That’s probably not healthy though… mentally.  Right?

So today was amazing! Pure satisfaction! And the NT scan didn’t show anything to be worried about.  They are running blood samples to verify, but everything looks good at this moment in time.  By the way, did you know they prick your finger to get your blood sample?  That is just rude.  I’d rather have a blood draw all day long than to have a finger pricked.  All worth it, but ouch!  There has to be a nicer way to retrieve blood when you only need 5 drops.

So now I’m going to go eat some dinner and then upload my picture disc onto my computer with all the NT scan images.  I’m hoping they have the heartbeat part on there too.  I giggled in the middle, so when you look at the heartbeat sound waves, you see three waves for the babies heartbeat, then a bunch of squigglies from me giggling, and then two more heartbeats.  Couldn’t help it, it was amazing.   I am so glad that this is something I am getting to experience, since for a long time it didn’t look like I ever would.  Pure Joy.

 

Here is a little 3D image of squirrel.  He/she was not happy about being woken up from a nap… looks like he/she is trying to cover their ears and go back to sleep.  🙂

First OB Scan – 6 Weeks 5 Days

I am 6 week 5 days today and I just got back from our first OB scan.  I am SO excited to say that we got to see a heartbeat today!!!  We have a little singleton in there, just chillin, waiting for us to come in next week and take more pictures.  Finally, a little bit of stress relief!  I told my husband I will let myself relax for the next three days before I start stressing out about the next scan.  He called me a goob.  😀

I am so excited!  Here’s hoping all our scans are just as exciting!

Second OB scan November 7th – Last scan at the RE office as long as everything is still looking good!  Yay!!

No Touchy

I am so uncomfortable.  I will be so happy if this is my last night of injections (other than the trigger shots (yes, shotS (Plural)).  Other than barely being able to wear underwear due to the extreme swelling/bloating in my abdomen, now my breasts (specifically, my thermometers ;)) can barely be touched by my shirt.  Hormones, man, hormones.

I can’t believe I’m nervous about my scan tomorrow too.  It will be 24 hours between today’s and tomorrow’s, yet I’m still worried that something is going to be wrong.  Is this normal?  Should I be this freaked out at all times?  I’m pretty sure it’s normal from what I’ve read on other blogs.

And do you know, in the middle of all this uncomfortable, untouchable, crazy-minded stuff I’m going through… I really miss sex?  We had very careful sex this past weekend, but that was difficult to do because I could feel my ovaries aching.  We were cautious because when we had sex during IUI’s, we must have knocked one of my swollen, droopy ovaries and I ended up on the bathroom floor for 30 minutes thinking I might have to go to the hospital. Ouch.  Yet, I’m still wanting some!  You see, one of my symptoms of PCOS, which is caused by my higher than normal male hormones, is a crazy awesome sex drive.  I’m talking 4-5 times a week is pretty standard.  Now it’s been one time in almost three weeks?  Whew.  Tough times. 😉

If someone had told me growing up that I’d be attempting to make a baby without sex, I would have laughed and laughed… and laughed….

Actually, it is kind of amusing when you think about it…. right?

One More Scan…??

Looks like I should only have one more scan, which will be tomorrow (Tuesday).  I am glad to hear this because every time I go in for a scan it’s $300.  I only had to go in today to make sure I didn’t need to order any more drugs.  From the looks of things, the doctor says I should be good to go with what I have.  He says if I need another round of meds on Tuesday night, then I can just use follistim at a higher dose, since I will be out of Menopur. Cool!  I already spent $4,200 on meds, so I’m glad to not have to spend anymore.  Oh, and I spent $33 (love this price!) on the other drugs… Hydrocodone (for the egg retrieval), Aspirin, Azithromycin (antibiotic), Ondansetron (?? No clue… Guess I’ll have to look back at my papers) and Methylprednisolone (Steroid).  I remember that the antibiotic is to help keep infections away after the retrieval and the steroid is to lower my immune system a little so the implant is more liking to take.  Yikes, what a stash!

So here are the results… Looks like we will have about 6-7 mature follicles by the time the retrieval is done (looking like it will be Thursday).  I really did expect more, but that’s probably because I’m still in my PCOS brain, instead of my DOR brain.  It’s hard to switch over when I’ve been so used to producing follicles like it’s nothing.  Well, the doctor is still happy with the size and he seems to be happy with the amount, but I know he wanted me to have 12.  Hopefully he will at least get 5-6 out during the retrieval.  I’m hoping for at least three to be implantable, but I will be overjoyed if we have at least one.  I cannot believe how stressful this whole process is.  There are just no guarantees, so the longer you go through, the MORE anxious you get.  I thought once I saw maturing follicles, I’d be a little more relaxed.  Wrong!

Next scan is tomorrow morning at 7:30am.  My estrogen level is at 1,253, which is amazing.  So glad that’s going up!  My lining is at 6.6, so it still has a little ways to go, but my estrogen is quite high, so I think it will get there.

Tonight: (Last injections?) 300IU Follistim, 300IU Menopur and one Ganirelix.  (I started the Ganirelix last night and it still burns and makes a nice, red, irritated patch on my skin).

Also, my husband came with me again today.  When I dropped my pants he giggled, got a big smile on his face and starting clapping.  What would I do without him? 🙂

Scan #2 – Much Better

I can say that I have never been so nervous to be in the waiting room of my fertility clinic.  I was very glad to have my husband with me this time.  I knew that whatever the verdict was, he’d be there to hold my hand, and that meant the world to me.

We went into the room, I peed, and then I de-pantsed.  My husband thinks me getting naked from the waist down “in public” is hilarious.  I told him it doesn’t count as “in public” because we are in a closed room at a doctors office, but he still laughs and says “I can see your butt!”  This is why I have to have him with me when things are stressful.  He is amazing.

So the nurse comes in to do the ultrasound, and I am happy to say that it is my favorite nurse.  She is fun and positive and just happens to be the one who did my IUI when I got pregnant, so I’ve always had a love for her.  First thing she checked was my lining, which is now up to 6.1 (yay!) and then she checked lefty.  There were probably about five follicles ranging from 9-10.  Not GREAT, but at least they are progressing.  Then on to righty, who was slacking on Wednesday, and righty had about five as well, but they ranged from 10-12.  Fabulous! Progress!  My estrogen has also gone up to 535 (it was 119 on Wednesday). She thinks that today and tomorrow, they should all grow about 2mm a day.  They want them to be around 16-18 for the retrieval.  (I always thought it was 18-22, but maybe that’s for IUI?  Or maybe I was mistaken… it WAS over nine months ago).  Sunday and Monday night I will add the Ganirelix, which will prevent ovulation and slightly slow down the growth, but I imagine they would still grow about a mm a day?  So that should have them all grow about 6mm before my next scan on Tuesday?  I’m hoping that Tuesday they say “take your two trigger shots and we’ll see ya on Thursday!”

My biggest concern is that there are only about ten total that would reach maturity in time.  The doctor seemed to think this was good, but I was hoping for at least 12-15 follicles.  I know how the statistics work, so starting with more follicles would be great, but i’m not going to complain about ten if they think that’s enough to go forward.  I’ve been so worried that they were going to cancel this cycle that I’m just happy to hear that they are happy.

Keep on keeping on, ovaries!  You can do it, follicles!

Lefty Says HEY!

Yesterday I could really feel righty saying “hey,” now it’s lefty screaming “HEY!”  Lefty was doing a tad better than righty on Wednesday.  I’m hoping they are both kicking in to full gear.  It’s just a little over 12 hours before we know the verdict and I’m freaking out.  It’s probably good that my hubby decided to go play cards with the guys tonight.  Not sure I’d be very good company.  The conversation would probably be all about my ovaries and what they are doing.  “Do you think there are more follicles?”  “Do you think they are bigger”  “Do you think we’ll have enough to continue??” “AHHH!!”

Sounds like fun, right?  RUN, HUSBAND, RUUUUN!!  He loves me though, and he has been AMAZING the past few days (and all the years before the past few days) while I’ve been stressed out and crying.  Lots of crying. Sometimes over important things, sometimes because of a TV show… the hormones control the tear ducts.  He is much more in control of things than I am.  He has the ability to say “let’s wait and see how things and going, and then we will start making decisions about our next options.”  I’m more like, “let’s figure every single step out right this second!”  He’s right though.  It’s better to wait until we HAVE to make another decision.  No reason to think the worst before the worst is verified.  He is my rock, my best friend and the love of my life.  I know that whatever comes, we will make it through it together, and that’s all that really matters.

No matter what you go through with infertility, always remember who you are going through it with and how much you love that person.  They are the most important thing in your life, not your infertility.

Pumping Up The Meds

Had my first monitoring visit this morning at 9:00.  I’ve got three measuring around a 6 on righty and 3-4 measuring around 6 on lefty.  Righty also has a tiny one.  So I have about eight total, which is about half of what they want me to have.  Grow follicles, GROW!!  They are upping my dosage to 300IU of Follistim with 3 vials of Menopur (Follistim went up, Menopur is staying the same) and I’ll go back in on Saturday.  Since my period finally stopped yesterday, my estrogen should start going up to help with my lining (currently at 4.4) and follicle growth.  I’m hoping for really good results on Saturday with the combo of a higher dose and estrogen doing it’s job.  I will be able to tell when my estrogen goes up because I will begin to get weepy.  Doctor Who made me cry last night, so that might be good sign. 😉

Other than a tiny bit of weepiness creeping up on me, I’m getting an achy back, achy ovaries, bloating (of course) and as soon as I take my injection I get totally exhausted.  I was falling asleep within ten minutes of doing the injection.  Instant sleep! Sweet!

The cravings for food are still there too.  Right now i’m drinking a decaf frappachino and eating cheez-it’s.  Not even sure how those two things work together, but they are so so yummy!

Okay, that’s all I’ve got for now.  Just waiting on my phone call for my estrogen level, which I know is going to be lowish, and my updated dosage information.  Hopefully it’s a straight forward phone call with no problems….

**Update**  Just got the call — Estrogen is only at 119.  They are confident that the higher dose and a few days will help get things moving at a better pace.  They think I may have to be on the meds longer than they thought.  Guess I’ll have to break the credit card back out….

Actual Medicine Symptoms

Since my stomach virus is finally starting to go away, I can actually tell what the Menopur, Follistim, or combination of the two is doing to me.  The answer?  Headache.  Super headache actually.  I guess when I think back to Saturday night and the thoughts going through my head about how I was sure it was causing my fever and upset stomach, I guess a headache isn’t so bad in comparison.  I’ve emailed the nurse to check and make sure extra strength Tylenol is still okay to use.  It was okay during my IUI’s, but I wasn’t on Menopur and I wasn’t on such a high dose of meds back then…. you know, because I had a ton of eggs back then… that somehow went missing…

I’m starting to get anxious about the ultrasound on Wednesday.  Last year I was never worried because I produced follicles without any problems.  Now, since my AMH has gone down so much, there is no telling how my body will respond, or if it will respond at all.  Two days will probably go by just as fast as they always do… 24 hours each, but I bet it will feel a lot longer.  *Twiddles Thumbs*