Who’s Life Is This?

A few days ago I was standing in my kitchen.  S was propped up on my hip (as is his usual position, even though he’s 13 months old and weighs 22.5lbs), and E was screaming at me to fetch her some milk (as is her usual go-to thing to scream at me about), and suddenly I had this odd sensation that I was in someone else’s life.  It was almost like someone had transported my 20 year old conscious into my now 33 year old body, and I had no clue what was happening.  I felt like I was a stranger, that I had no idea who these kids were.  I didn’t recognize the kitchen, or the way my body felt.  I was thrown into a panic.

It was quick, maybe half a second, but I felt all of those thoughts and sensations.  Then I was back to normal.  It’s been an incredibly stressful week.  My hormones are flaring because my period is on the way, my son is teething and has become some sort of horrible beast monster, and my daughter is needy beyond reason because she sees how much attention I’m having to give my son.  I am stretched thin.  I’m tired, and angry, and sad.  I guess I’m also hallucinating, or experiencing some kind of out of body experience? Is this what four straight years of stress can do to a person?  Yikes.  I need a break.

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Everything Is Driving Me CRAZY!!!

Okay, let’s just say that MAYBE this all has to do with pregnancy hormones…. but once you hear the things going on in my life, you may think it’s everyone else who is to blame.

1.  My sister is a gun loving, pro-choice hating, liberal-bashing conservative.  Actually, that describes about 99.9% of my family.  Not that I’m pleased with it, especially the parts of my family who don’t believe that two loving adults who happen to share the same undercarriage can’t get married, but I put up with it because I KNOW that changing peoples minds on politics is impossible.  They can’t change mine, so I don’t even attempt to change theirs.  That being said, my sister keeps tagging me in posts on Facebook that are completely wrong and sick.  For instance, two days ago she tagged me in a post that had two pictures, one said “conservative rape kit” and showed a gun and a pamphlet that said “castration made easy.”  The other pictures showed a pamphlet entitled “understanding your rapist” and a Planned Parenthood parking pass.  I asked her to delete me from the post because it was in such poor taste.  She refused.  She tagged me in another today about guns.  It wasn’t as horrible, but it’s just more and more weight pushing on my crazy button.  I (think) I now have it set up so that I have to approve anything I’m tagged in, but I guess I won’t know for sure until someone tries.  So… there is thing one.

2.  We are looking for a new house.  Our closing date on this house is the 17th.  It’s pretty clear that we are going into an apartment for a couple months, and we are fine with that.  This is a big step to buy our next house.  We want everything to be perfect for baby girl to grow up in.  My mom keeps sending me houses to look at online.  Now, don’t you think that I have seen every house online in the areas we are looking in?  If you think this, you are correct.  She also knows what we are looking for.  So, she keeps sending me houses that are not in the right areas AND don’t fit our criteria at all.  I know she means well, but she literally sent me 10 houses today and all of them were wrong.  Why does she continue to think there are houses out there that I haven’t seen yet??  Why is everyone DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

3.  Moving SUCKS!  Especially at 28 weeks pregnant when all you want to do is sleep, eat, and watch Sex and the City.  There are boxes just sitting here collecting dust… waiting to be filled.  I don’t want to move.  I want to stay here and nest and forget about all this craziness.

Ugh…. I think I’m starting to feel all this stress at once….. I wish I had some chocolate pie.

Yikes

I’m a little confused about something, so I thought I’d write about it and see if anyone has any ideas.  Maybe someone else understands this…

My family seems to think that they should all come up here and be here during the birth, while I’m in the hospital, and when I get home.  I get that we will probably need some help and guidance for the first few days, but holy cow, I do not want eight people all up in our business during the craziest moments of our lives.  I mean, am I completely crazy??  Is it wrong to only want your parents and your husbands parents there?  Could you imagine getting home from the hospital with a newborn, your FIRST baby, and everyone is everywhere, and your house is in chaos, and everyone wants to put their two cents in to how you are doing everything?  That seems more stressful than having to go through labor…. and it honestly might be.

Not to mention that my sister keeps asking me how long it took us to get pregnant, which I don’t think is anyone’s business.  She doesn’t even know about what we went through, yet for some reason she wants to know.  Is this something that everyone shares with people?  If you are a normal person, who can get pregnant like nature intended, do you get offended when someone basically asks you how long you and your husband were humping before you got conceived?  Because that’s basically what she’s asking.  I find it rude.  If someone wants to offer that information to you that’s one thing, but you don’t ask.  Right?

Ugh, maybe I’m just too worked up tonight.  I’m already stressed out because my dad had a heart attack last night.  I’m not super surprised, because heart problems run in my family and he’s a smoker and a drinker, and has a horrendous diet, but it’s still a shock to hear that your dad is in the hospital and had to have a stint put in, and that he has muscle damage on 20% of his heart. He described it as having “20% of his heart die,” which freaked me out a good deal.  I’m the calm one, the rational one, so I don’t get worked up over things like this, but I still want him to be healthy and happy for a lot longer, so I am upset.  I’m hoping this is the big push my family needs to get themselves into a healthier lifestyle.  My dad hates being in the hospital and feeling helpless, so if anything is going to help him get on the ball, it’ll be this…. as sad as it is to say that having a heart attack is the only thing that might get through to him.

I’m now going to go hang out with my husband and relax.  Try to forget about all of this stress.  I just had to vent though.  My husband let me vent and then decided that I was too worked up and needed to stop talking about it all together.  He’s right, but I think one last outlet on my anger was very helpful.

I hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

Scan Moved To Monday

My next scan has been move to tomorrow instead of Tuesday.  I emailed the doctor and let him know that I only have enough meds to make it through Monday night, so if I needed more after that, I’d need to know how much on Monday morning so I could get the meds overnighted in time.  He said there would be no way to tell how much more I would need without the next scan, so it was moved to Monday.  No way to reschedule that over the weekend, so we will be a walk in on Monday.  I hope it doesn’t take too long to get seen, I’m already starting to freak out again.  I keep thinking that if I can’t feel my ovaries aching that there is something wrong.  “Are they continuing to grow?” “Did I ovulate early?”  They said to wait until tonight for the Ganirelix, so if I ovulate early it’s their fault and they owe me money for meds next time.  I don’t think it’s a possibility, but who really knows?  I’m just stressed about everything at this point.

We plan on going in as soon as they open tomorrow (7:30) so I’m hoping everyone else is too lazy to go in that early.  I’m hoping for at least 14’s on righty and some 12-13’s on lefty.