Dear Ovaries,

Hey, it’s me, your human.  I know you got a bum deal in this whole life, having PCOS and all (I’m super sorry about that — genetics are a bitch), but could we talk about this painful exploding feeling we’ve been experiencing lately?

It’s not that I don’t like the feeling of you being bruised and broken after I have sex with my husband, it’s just that I don’t.  It is horrible.  I didn’t even know that cysts could rupture during sex.  Why is that a thing?  We weren’t performing an acrobatic sexual act either. Missionary should not cause exploding ovaries, it’s just not right.

So, when I go to the OB on Wednesday for my ultrasound, let’s not have a million cysts on each ovary.  I mean, I suspect that is not the outcome I’ll have, since I’ve been having ovarian pain for the past few months, but come on, after all we’ve been through!  Is this payback for the Clomid, the IUI’s, and the IVF?  I get it, those things sucked, and I put you through absolute torment trying to make a cute little baby for me to snuggle, but we did it! We made a baby!  She’s amazing and awesome, but she’s very hard to take care of when I want to throw up from ovary pain.  So, let’s make a deal.  You had your fun getting back at me with a rupture during sex.  We are even now.  K?  Love you!  Mean it!

Yours always (or until my super early hysterectomy, which is almost a 100% genetic guarantee),
-Me

The Birth Control Choice Is In….

…and it’s…. condoms!  Whoa!  No one was expecting that, were they?

It was a strange decision that had a lot to do with my not wanting to take the chance of the progesterone only pill drying up my milk.  This is a thing.  Just Google it and you will be shocked by how many women have had this problem.  It’s just not worth the chance.  It may be a 1 in 1 million chance, but that is enough of a chance for me.  With breastfeeding, PCOS, DOR, the likely possibility that I have primary ovarian inefficiency which will lead to menopause within the next 2-3 years, AND condoms…. I think our chances of conceiving accidentally would be pretty low, if not non-existent.

Right now I am really terrified that I have a cyst on my left ovary.  I’ve been feeling twinges ever since giving birth, but I assumed this probably had something to do with GIVING BIRTH, but it’s been worse and worse over the past two days.  I remember them mentioning a small cyst on my ovary during one of my pregnancy ultrasounds (most likely a leftover follicle from the IVF), but geez, you’d think pregnancy hormones would have kicked that thing out of there?  Dried it up? Something…  Guess I did not get that lucky.  I just really hope I do not have to deal with a rupturing cyst.  This is like a period multiplied by 1,000.  It’s not quite on the level of epidural-less birth, but it is still pretty horrific.  I am usually hunched over the toilet throwing up, screaming, and sobbing.  Not sure how I’d breastfeed through something like that?  Let’s just send out some vibes that will kill this (likely) cyst!

 

Oh, and in happy baby fertility news… I have a friend who, after two years, 3 IUI’s, a fresh IVF, a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage), and an FET, was FINALLY successful and is now about 12 weeks pregnant!  The FET was successful!  I am very excited for her.  It gives me hope for all of you who are out there still trying.  I know it’s hard and you want to give up, but please don’t.  I’m not saying it has to be fertility treatments, it can be adoption.  Just any way to have a child.  If you want a child, please continue fighting for one!  And if there is anything I can help you with (although I’m certainly not a professional) please let me know!  I am here to answer questions!