Today I went back to the fertility clinic for the first time since I was seven weeks pregnant. It was… strange, but absurdly familiar. I never thought I’d be back so soon, since my little one is only eight months old, but after an email exchange with my reproductive endocrinologist, we both decided that it would be a good idea for me to have my AMH tested. Since it went from a 6.9 to a 1.3-.67 in just one year, it is likely that I have Premature Ovarian Failure. I asked my RE if he thought it would be a good idea to see how much it’s dropped in the past year and a half so that we could decide on a course of hormone therapy once little miss is weaned. If it is at an undetectable level, then I would not go on birth control (which would be needed to control my PCOS symptoms), I would go on hormones to help with the premature menopause. Wow, forgot how messed up I was — reproductively speaking! I also found out while I was there that my best blood taking vein was permanently scared from all my blood draws during IVF. Holy cow. That is unreal! I guess it’s to be expected when I only have one usable vein though.
Anyway, while I was there, one of the guys at the front asked me if I was there for my second round. (I had little miss with me). I quickly, without thought, said “NO WAY!!” Then I laughed and said “she is only eight months, so I definitely need a little time!” He then said “Oh, okay.” I guess having someone with fertility problems be so quick to say “NO!” when asked about more babies is rare. So, does it make me a bad infertile if I am pretty sure that I will not want to have another baby? Is it okay, in our community, to decide that an only is the right choice for their family? I know that when someone struggles so much for babies, they can sometimes get baby fever so bad that they will continue until their bodies crash (I saw a lady at the specialist who had a three year old, a one year old, and a four month old — all conceived through fertility treatments), desiring as many babies as possible, but I do not feel that way. I feel like another baby would be too much for me. I think it is important to go with what works for your family, for your sanity, and for your heart.
My husband and my little girl are my entire world. I cannot imagine sharing it with anyone else. Could my mind change in the next few years? Yes, maybe, I’m keeping my mind open, but I wonder if I am in the minority when it comes to be an infertile who desires to have only one child.
Any other infertiles who stopped at one on purpose?
(I will post the results of my AMH once I hear back from the RE — Hopefully tomorrow!)
Wifey, Mommy, and What Have You 