One More Scan…??

Looks like I should only have one more scan, which will be tomorrow (Tuesday).  I am glad to hear this because every time I go in for a scan it’s $300.  I only had to go in today to make sure I didn’t need to order any more drugs.  From the looks of things, the doctor says I should be good to go with what I have.  He says if I need another round of meds on Tuesday night, then I can just use follistim at a higher dose, since I will be out of Menopur. Cool!  I already spent $4,200 on meds, so I’m glad to not have to spend anymore.  Oh, and I spent $33 (love this price!) on the other drugs… Hydrocodone (for the egg retrieval), Aspirin, Azithromycin (antibiotic), Ondansetron (?? No clue… Guess I’ll have to look back at my papers) and Methylprednisolone (Steroid).  I remember that the antibiotic is to help keep infections away after the retrieval and the steroid is to lower my immune system a little so the implant is more liking to take.  Yikes, what a stash!

So here are the results… Looks like we will have about 6-7 mature follicles by the time the retrieval is done (looking like it will be Thursday).  I really did expect more, but that’s probably because I’m still in my PCOS brain, instead of my DOR brain.  It’s hard to switch over when I’ve been so used to producing follicles like it’s nothing.  Well, the doctor is still happy with the size and he seems to be happy with the amount, but I know he wanted me to have 12.  Hopefully he will at least get 5-6 out during the retrieval.  I’m hoping for at least three to be implantable, but I will be overjoyed if we have at least one.  I cannot believe how stressful this whole process is.  There are just no guarantees, so the longer you go through, the MORE anxious you get.  I thought once I saw maturing follicles, I’d be a little more relaxed.  Wrong!

Next scan is tomorrow morning at 7:30am.  My estrogen level is at 1,253, which is amazing.  So glad that’s going up!  My lining is at 6.6, so it still has a little ways to go, but my estrogen is quite high, so I think it will get there.

Tonight: (Last injections?) 300IU Follistim, 300IU Menopur and one Ganirelix.  (I started the Ganirelix last night and it still burns and makes a nice, red, irritated patch on my skin).

Also, my husband came with me again today.  When I dropped my pants he giggled, got a big smile on his face and starting clapping.  What would I do without him? 🙂

Scan Moved To Monday

My next scan has been move to tomorrow instead of Tuesday.  I emailed the doctor and let him know that I only have enough meds to make it through Monday night, so if I needed more after that, I’d need to know how much on Monday morning so I could get the meds overnighted in time.  He said there would be no way to tell how much more I would need without the next scan, so it was moved to Monday.  No way to reschedule that over the weekend, so we will be a walk in on Monday.  I hope it doesn’t take too long to get seen, I’m already starting to freak out again.  I keep thinking that if I can’t feel my ovaries aching that there is something wrong.  “Are they continuing to grow?” “Did I ovulate early?”  They said to wait until tonight for the Ganirelix, so if I ovulate early it’s their fault and they owe me money for meds next time.  I don’t think it’s a possibility, but who really knows?  I’m just stressed about everything at this point.

We plan on going in as soon as they open tomorrow (7:30) so I’m hoping everyone else is too lazy to go in that early.  I’m hoping for at least 14’s on righty and some 12-13’s on lefty.

Scan #2 – Much Better

I can say that I have never been so nervous to be in the waiting room of my fertility clinic.  I was very glad to have my husband with me this time.  I knew that whatever the verdict was, he’d be there to hold my hand, and that meant the world to me.

We went into the room, I peed, and then I de-pantsed.  My husband thinks me getting naked from the waist down “in public” is hilarious.  I told him it doesn’t count as “in public” because we are in a closed room at a doctors office, but he still laughs and says “I can see your butt!”  This is why I have to have him with me when things are stressful.  He is amazing.

So the nurse comes in to do the ultrasound, and I am happy to say that it is my favorite nurse.  She is fun and positive and just happens to be the one who did my IUI when I got pregnant, so I’ve always had a love for her.  First thing she checked was my lining, which is now up to 6.1 (yay!) and then she checked lefty.  There were probably about five follicles ranging from 9-10.  Not GREAT, but at least they are progressing.  Then on to righty, who was slacking on Wednesday, and righty had about five as well, but they ranged from 10-12.  Fabulous! Progress!  My estrogen has also gone up to 535 (it was 119 on Wednesday). She thinks that today and tomorrow, they should all grow about 2mm a day.  They want them to be around 16-18 for the retrieval.  (I always thought it was 18-22, but maybe that’s for IUI?  Or maybe I was mistaken… it WAS over nine months ago).  Sunday and Monday night I will add the Ganirelix, which will prevent ovulation and slightly slow down the growth, but I imagine they would still grow about a mm a day?  So that should have them all grow about 6mm before my next scan on Tuesday?  I’m hoping that Tuesday they say “take your two trigger shots and we’ll see ya on Thursday!”

My biggest concern is that there are only about ten total that would reach maturity in time.  The doctor seemed to think this was good, but I was hoping for at least 12-15 follicles.  I know how the statistics work, so starting with more follicles would be great, but i’m not going to complain about ten if they think that’s enough to go forward.  I’ve been so worried that they were going to cancel this cycle that I’m just happy to hear that they are happy.

Keep on keeping on, ovaries!  You can do it, follicles!

Lefty Says HEY!

Yesterday I could really feel righty saying “hey,” now it’s lefty screaming “HEY!”  Lefty was doing a tad better than righty on Wednesday.  I’m hoping they are both kicking in to full gear.  It’s just a little over 12 hours before we know the verdict and I’m freaking out.  It’s probably good that my hubby decided to go play cards with the guys tonight.  Not sure I’d be very good company.  The conversation would probably be all about my ovaries and what they are doing.  “Do you think there are more follicles?”  “Do you think they are bigger”  “Do you think we’ll have enough to continue??” “AHHH!!”

Sounds like fun, right?  RUN, HUSBAND, RUUUUN!!  He loves me though, and he has been AMAZING the past few days (and all the years before the past few days) while I’ve been stressed out and crying.  Lots of crying. Sometimes over important things, sometimes because of a TV show… the hormones control the tear ducts.  He is much more in control of things than I am.  He has the ability to say “let’s wait and see how things and going, and then we will start making decisions about our next options.”  I’m more like, “let’s figure every single step out right this second!”  He’s right though.  It’s better to wait until we HAVE to make another decision.  No reason to think the worst before the worst is verified.  He is my rock, my best friend and the love of my life.  I know that whatever comes, we will make it through it together, and that’s all that really matters.

No matter what you go through with infertility, always remember who you are going through it with and how much you love that person.  They are the most important thing in your life, not your infertility.

The Icky Feeling Of Uber Hormones

It’s pointless to say that injecting 600 units of hormone inducing medicines into your body will make you feel “off.”  Most of you are with me on this, or soon will be, or have been.  I feel like a pin cushion.  Good thing it’s only one injection a night.  Luckily, I’ve only had one visible bruise, the rest of them can only be felt and not seen.  I am feeling tired, very tired… exhausted.  I remember this from the IUI rounds, but I feel like it’s doubled with this amount of meds.  My abdomen feels like it’s pressurized (which I guess is good? Go ovaries, go?) and my back is achy.  Headaches are standard, and feeling “out of it” is an understatement.  My husband likes to giggle at my “out of itness,”  I don’t blame him, I feel like I’m barely functioning the past couple days.

I think my exhaustion and space cadet status are all exaggerated by my fear that we may have to give up on this cycle, therefore giving up on biological children.  It’s scary.  I had prepared myself for maybe the fresh cycle not taking an having to try a frozen, and maybe even the frozen not working, but not even being able to implant anything is just not something I saw coming.  I keep wanting to blame ourselves for taking the nine months off between IUI and IVF, but, come on, who could have known that my overflowing PCOS ovaries were going to empty out?  No one on earth could have seen that coming.  My doctor is still completely confused by it, and he’s a fertility specialist that does this for a living.  If that’s not saying something, I don’t know what is.

I don’t believe in that “everything happens for a reason” thing.  I used to, but then I realized that if I believed in that, I’d have to believe that there is a reason for kids being molested and murdered, and that is not a possibility.  Plus, there is no reason that this universe wouldn’t want a little baby made of half me, half my husband, because we are adorable!  🙂

8:15am tomorrow morning…. bring it.

Pumping Up The Meds

Had my first monitoring visit this morning at 9:00.  I’ve got three measuring around a 6 on righty and 3-4 measuring around 6 on lefty.  Righty also has a tiny one.  So I have about eight total, which is about half of what they want me to have.  Grow follicles, GROW!!  They are upping my dosage to 300IU of Follistim with 3 vials of Menopur (Follistim went up, Menopur is staying the same) and I’ll go back in on Saturday.  Since my period finally stopped yesterday, my estrogen should start going up to help with my lining (currently at 4.4) and follicle growth.  I’m hoping for really good results on Saturday with the combo of a higher dose and estrogen doing it’s job.  I will be able to tell when my estrogen goes up because I will begin to get weepy.  Doctor Who made me cry last night, so that might be good sign. 😉

Other than a tiny bit of weepiness creeping up on me, I’m getting an achy back, achy ovaries, bloating (of course) and as soon as I take my injection I get totally exhausted.  I was falling asleep within ten minutes of doing the injection.  Instant sleep! Sweet!

The cravings for food are still there too.  Right now i’m drinking a decaf frappachino and eating cheez-it’s.  Not even sure how those two things work together, but they are so so yummy!

Okay, that’s all I’ve got for now.  Just waiting on my phone call for my estrogen level, which I know is going to be lowish, and my updated dosage information.  Hopefully it’s a straight forward phone call with no problems….

**Update**  Just got the call — Estrogen is only at 119.  They are confident that the higher dose and a few days will help get things moving at a better pace.  They think I may have to be on the meds longer than they thought.  Guess I’ll have to break the credit card back out….

Must Eat All Of The Things…

So, another side effect i’m noticing is my bottomless pit of a stomach… which seems to want lots of sugar.  I’m also totally exhausted.  Maybe my body is trying to overcome all the tired by eating all of the sugar. Ugh… what a battle.  My stomach is already bloating out enough, I’m sure the extra sugar isn’t going to help.  Bright side?  I am going to rock my sweat pants like you wouldn’t believe!

Worth it though!

When I did my IUI’s last year, I never had pain with any of my injections, except for the Ganirelix and that was just after the injection.  It would burn, itch and turn red at the injection site for 30 minutes to an hour.  But this Menopur + Follistim combo burns as soon as I start the injection… and there is a lot in the injection.  Ouchy.  Also, I’m having bruising from the injections.  They are about an inch long, half an inch wide, and almost rectangular in shape.  They are so weird.  My stomach is going to look pretty neat by the time I’ve done a week and a half worth of injections.  I plan to take a pretty picture once it’s all done.

…I wonder how much it’s going to hurt once I have to add the Ganirelix into the injection.

Worth it though!

Time for bed… I plan to sleep for at least 10 hours… maybe my dogs will be nice to be and let me sleep for 12? 🙂