Speaks Through Music

My husband is a very quiet man.  My family, after 13 years, still believes that he absolutely wants nothing to do with them.  I mean, in a way, they are out of their frigging minds and we both have issues with them, but the main reason is that my husband is quiet.  I talk to his own parents more than he does.  He probably talks to me more than anyone, and I still sit here and say he’s a quiet man, so you know our conversations are brief.

But, aside from being quiet, my husband is an absolute music junky.  He loves it.  It’s probably his first love, although I’d hate to have his actual answer on “who comes first, the music or the wife?”  And from this observation about his deep love of music, I have come to the conclusion that he says what’s truly in his heart by giving me music that says what he is unable to put into his own words.

Today he gave me a mix CD (something he’s been doing since we first starting dating) for my birthday.  He also gave me the day off from responsibilities.  He sees me struggle and does all he can to help.  I took off today to drive around town doing a few things for me, and popped in my CD.  I cried through the entire thing.  I feel like every song meant something. Something he was trying to say to me.  Most things were about life changing, and how it’s just something that happens, but how it also means you have to try harder to pull yourself up.  Some songs were to the point, some sounded pleading, some were there to tell me that he loves me, and always will.

He may not see it like this, but I know better.  Whether it was consciously or not, he was telling me things are hard, things are different, but things are still good, and things will get better…. and he’s going to be there with me to figure it all out.

 

“Wish I could have been there when you were driving away
For California
If you’ve got to go somewhere
Then you better go somewhere far
Did you really think I could ever go on without you?
I’m not a genius
I imagine myself being cool
In the backseat of your car

[Chorus]
Return to the moon, I’m dying
Return to the moon, please
Return to the moon, I’m dying
Return to the moon, please

[Outro]
Don’t make me wait for you at the corner of Eden Park
Don’t make me wait for you at the Serpentine Wall”

EL VY – Return to the Moon

Lefty Says HEY!

Yesterday I could really feel righty saying “hey,” now it’s lefty screaming “HEY!”  Lefty was doing a tad better than righty on Wednesday.  I’m hoping they are both kicking in to full gear.  It’s just a little over 12 hours before we know the verdict and I’m freaking out.  It’s probably good that my hubby decided to go play cards with the guys tonight.  Not sure I’d be very good company.  The conversation would probably be all about my ovaries and what they are doing.  “Do you think there are more follicles?”  “Do you think they are bigger”  “Do you think we’ll have enough to continue??” “AHHH!!”

Sounds like fun, right?  RUN, HUSBAND, RUUUUN!!  He loves me though, and he has been AMAZING the past few days (and all the years before the past few days) while I’ve been stressed out and crying.  Lots of crying. Sometimes over important things, sometimes because of a TV show… the hormones control the tear ducts.  He is much more in control of things than I am.  He has the ability to say “let’s wait and see how things and going, and then we will start making decisions about our next options.”  I’m more like, “let’s figure every single step out right this second!”  He’s right though.  It’s better to wait until we HAVE to make another decision.  No reason to think the worst before the worst is verified.  He is my rock, my best friend and the love of my life.  I know that whatever comes, we will make it through it together, and that’s all that really matters.

No matter what you go through with infertility, always remember who you are going through it with and how much you love that person.  They are the most important thing in your life, not your infertility.