A Day and a Half Until “Reality”

Well, on Thursday my husband will be heading back to work.  I’ve talked him into only working half days on Thursday and Friday.  It will be a good mini test run for me and the little lady.  If it turns out I start to lose my mind, my in-laws are on standby to come and rescue me.  It’s nice to know that they are on summer break for the next month, just in case.

He has been leaving me for short periods of time so I can try things out.  He is at the grocery store and picking up lunch right now.  I fed her, rocked her, and put her down in her pack and play.  I must say that I am AMAZED that she is actually sleeping in her pack and play right now.  Why do I have a feeling that she won’t be this easy as soon as the hubby is back to work?  Maybe she is just lulled to sleep by the soothing sounds of Doctor Who?  😉

Other than the cluster feedings that still spring up here and there, she has been feeding pretty regularly.  The night before last she pretty much fed from 8pm to 3am.  Holy cow, I’m not sure I’ve ever been that tired.  We got through it though!  Today I may try pumping for the first time.  I’m going to do a little research on how to pump and store the milk, then go from there.  I’m planning on feeding her, then pumping out whatever remains after the feeding (doctors recommendation).  Since she still has instances of cluster feeding, I will only try pumping once a day, just to make sure that if she does need to cluster feed at night, I’ll be ready for her.

I absolutely love my baby girl.

I May Have Found A Flow….

Okay, so, I was trying to do the breastfeeding thing where I offer one boob, let her go to town until she was done, and then put her to sleep.  Well, she keeps waking up every hour to eat more, so I decided to try feeding for 15-20 on one side (usually until she falls asleep), then I change her diaper, and then I let her feed from the other boob (usually 10-15 more minutes).  I did this exclusively last night and it seems to be working wonders.  We will see if it was just a fluke….

Right now she is still asleep (10:00am here).  I HAD to get up and eat, so I let her and daddy sleep in this morning.  I haven’t been eating anything until noon or 1:00pm lately, so this has been a treat to eat something so early in the morning!

Eating Machine

My little one is an eating machine.  We are trying to get her onto an every 2-3 hour schedule, but sometimes she will start at 1:00, eat for 30 minutes, sleep/chill for 30 minutes and be ready to do it all over again at 2:00.  Apparently they can go through a big growth spurt from 7-14 days old, so I’m thinking this might be what she’s doing right now (8 days old).  I don’t mind too much since my breasts are finally starting to adjust to having a little baby on them for hours and hours and hours a day.  They are still bleeding and a bit scabby, but compared to a few days ago, they are practically healed.  I’m having some trouble with righty, she’s lazy.  Lefty is leaking all the time.  I can’t wear pads, since they stick to the scabs, but the lactation consultant at the hospital gave me breast shields that keep my nipples puckered and catch the leaking.  If I bend over, it leaks all over my shirt.  So far this has happened every day.  I just can’t seem to remember!

The hemorrhoids and the tears seem to be healing well.  I’m still bleeding, but it’s only enough to need a normal pad during the day instead of two lined up going belly button to lower back.  Sexy.  I’m actually in normal people underwear today!  I’ve been in hospital mesh panties for a week, so it’s nice to have my normal stuff on.  I also don’t have to use the numbing spray on the nether-regions anymore, or take the oxycodone.  I do still take an Ibuprofen each day for back pain, but from the amount of drugs I was on at the hospital to now, it’s a huge change.  Let’s me know that I am healing.  Oh, and I know most people don’t think this way, but being at the hospital was amazing.  The nurses were always ready to help and teach.  Going home was a little scary…

Motherhood is scary.  I am constantly worried about her.  I wake up all night and make sure she is okay.  I worry that when we wipe her after a dirty diaper we may not wipe good enough and she’ll get an infection.  I worry that her clothes are too hot or too cold.  I worry that she’s not eating enough (even after she feeds for 30-40 minutes).  I wonder if I’m holding her head stable enough so that I don’t hurt her neck.  It’s a crazy time for my brain.  I’ve had a few breakdowns with uncontrollable crying, but my husband has been very supportive.  He makes sure that when this happens I get a nap in right away.  I worry about what life will be like when he goes back to work.  I am glad to know that his parents and my parents are only 2.5 hours away if I need them.  I’m hoping I can handle it, but I’m worried about taking care of her, and me, and the two dogs all day.  I worry.  I’m a worrier.

A Quick Update

Daddy is currently “playing” (holding baby girl while she sleeps) with the baby, so I thought I’d hop on and let you all know that we are all doing great!  The no sleep thing is kind of nuts, to be honest, but I just can’t seem to mind when I know that it’s for my little girl.  Especially the hour or so a night where she just looks at me.  No squirming, no eating, no noises…. she’s just looking at me.  That is when we have our deepest conversations. 🙂

She hates the bassinet…. or anything that requires her to not be held.  That girl LOVES to be held.  She will only sleep if she is being cuddled in bed by me.  I’m not a fan of co-sleeping, but while she’s so little I just can’t let her cry and be upset.  That will probably change, but for now I am going to do whatever I can to make her happy.  She is my little love.  Oh, and for those of you who are currently pregnant… the love you feel is instant. As soon as you see their tiny, naked, goo-covered body, you instantly fall in love.  A deep love too… totally different from anything you’ve ever known.  It’s amazing.  So, for those of you who are still going through this insanity of infertility… please keep trying.  Don’t give up hope and think it’s not for you.  This IS for you, and I wish it for you more than I wish for anything else.

Now, cluster feeding.  I always thought that happened once your milk came in, but I was wrong.  She’s been cluster feeding since night two (it’s only been three nights… although it feels like it’s been a couple weeks already).  It’s very hard on the sleep and the nipples.  The nipples….. they are hard and sore and may never be the same again, but I know it could be worse.  The lactation consultant saved my arse.  If I had gone home doing what I was doing, I would have been in so much pain.  Talk to those ladies! They know what they are doing!

Okay, I will now leave you with a picture of my cankles…. which came AFTER delivery.  It’s normal apparently.  I wish I could say it’s the worst pain I’m experiencing… but that would have to be the pain from the stitches from the TWO tears… ouchy.

Worth it!!

 

 

 

For those of you wondering what her name is, I’m sorry but I won’t be posting it on this blog.  It’s somewhat unusual and I’m scared that a Google search of the name will lead people here.  As soon as I have lots of free time, I plan on updating my blog with my real name and information.  It’s all about my new life as a mom.  It will feature everything except information on my infertility.  As soon as that is updated and ready to go, I will let those of you who are curious know how to find me.  Then you can hear all about her and her loveliness… and me trying to figure out how to do this mommy thing!

Thank you to everyone who shared so much love with me on my last entry! I plan on messaging you all back, but it will have to wait until next time!

40 Weeks!

I would love to be one of those women who have a 40 week belly picture featuring their baby being held on the OUTSIDE of their belly, but alas, I am still pregnant.  Not that I’m struggling, but I am getting a lot more tired and impatient.

So far there are no red flags that she is on her way out, but I am scheduled for induction for next Monday (maybe Tuesday if they are booked) so that is good to know.  No matter what, she will be here by Monday or Tuesday of next week! Woo!!

I do not have a belly picture.  I was going to wait until tomorrow to write this post, but then I thought about people out there who may be blog stalking me, and I didn’t want to make you all worry or curious.  I am still perfectly pregnant and waiting… waiting….

I will try to post a picture tomorrow if I remember.  I am just so tired and forgetful.  All I can think about it WHEN WILL SHE BE HERE?! 🙂

39 Weeks!

I had a very eventful weekend.  We got lots of stuff done and even snuck in a date night!  Star Trek is awesome, by the way.  If you like that sort of thing.

Anyway, today I can barely do anything.  I slept terribly and I’m feeling pretty dizzy.. almost nauseated.  I’ve tried eating and drinking water, but so far it’s not helping.  I also had a dream last night that I was peeing and ended up peeing a little while in bed. *Sigh*  I’ve looked to see if that is a common occurrence with ladies having their water break.  It actually seems like it is, but I haven’t had anymore leaking and it wasn’t a ton of liquid, so I’m pretty sure it was just pee.  I’ll be keeping an eye on it today.  I wish it was my water breaking, I feel awful today.

Anyway, here is my belly!  It is ready to pop! Everyone send me some popping vibes!  Labor can start any minute now, so a couple minutes from now would be great.  She looks ready to go, right??

38 Weeks!

Here I am… 38 weeks… and I have finally started feeling like absolute poo.  I felt great all day yesterday until bed time.  Then my stomach started hurting, like it was going to be upset.  It was.  Along with the sudden feeling of upset stomach, I became so incredibly nauseous that I wasn’t sure which way I should be facing the toilet.  It was a miserable time.  I felt sick all night.  Every time I woke up to pee I wanted to crawl into the corner and be sick.  My stomach isn’t hurting this morning, but the nausea is still there.  I read in my pregnancy handbook (given to me at birthing classes) that flu-like symptoms can be a sign of impending labor.  It can start hours to days before labor actually starts.  I’m not sure if that is what this is, but I hope so.  I also hope that labor doesn’t make me want to barf all over the place.

Ugh… I think I’m going to be in my recliner all day.

Here is my belly….

37 Weeks!

Say what???  Is baby girl now considered full term?  Why yes, yes she is.  Woo!

Although I’m not sure I’m 100% ready for her to make her appearance (still have a few things to accomplish), I am getting pretty excited.  The contractions have kicked up a notch and she is sitting so low.  I wish they would check me this week (Friday) and let me know if anything is going on “down there,” but they won’t do that until 39 weeks.  Oh well… I can wait??

I’ve had two dreams this week that I started going into labor.  I think the increase in braxton hicks contractions are making my brain fuzzy.  🙂

This isn’t going to be a huge update, I’m so tired and I want to crash and take a small nap before it’s time to cook dinner and whatever else…

Here is my belly!  Does it look even lower??  I know she IS lower because of the increase in pains in my vagina area.  Those are sharp pains too!  I guess when you have a baby head in your pelvis it can cause all sorts of strange things….

36 Weeks!

Here I am at 36 weeks (as of 5/27)!  I’m almost considered full term! Whoa!

Swollen feet, increased Braxton Hicks, decreased brain power… but relatively feeling good! I’ve been able to unpack boxes and even make dinner the past two nights.  I am REALLY wanting to make chocolate chip cookies today, but that would require a trip to the store…. we will have to see how that works out for me.

The new house is amazing!  I love the house, the community, and the location!  I’m in love. So glad we got in just under the buzzer!  I’ve got enough clean clothes for her in case she decides to come early, and her bassinet is set up and ready to go too!  I’m wondering if that nesting thing is going to set in before she gets here so I can get EVERYTHING ready!  I guess we will see….

Here is my belly!  Is it just me, or does this look A LOT lower than last week?  Doctors appointment is tomorrow and then I’ll be on a weekly schedule! AHHH! 🙂

35 Weeks!

Wowzers… Woo!

Okay, so I’m still feeling pretty good.  The hemorrhoids are getting worse.  I think I’m going to have to get something to at least keep the aching away.  I have a friend who told me that she made pads for after delivery.  She put witch hazel on them and put them in the freezer.  I think I’m going to do the same.  Should help with the pain from pushing her out, as well as the hemorrhoid pain, which is sure to get worse after delivery.  Is it too early to sit on one of those doughnut cushions? Ha!

I spoke with the OB about the chiropractor.  She said that she’s not sure what happened, but that it would be best to not have anymore adjustments during the pregnancy.  I agreed.  I then went in and talked to the Chiropractor that I like and explained what happened and why I wouldn’t be coming in for a while.  He understood, but he also had no idea why the adjustment caused me so much pain.  I guess I’m just a special case.  The back pain is still the same if I’m not laying in the recliner or laying down to sleep, so there is no hope that adjustments will help that anyway.  My biggest problem is going to be the leg pain while I’m sleeping, but I’ll take it over the (mental) trauma of a horrible adjustment.

We should be able to do the final walk-through of our house today! Yippy!  We should be moving in on Thursday —- I hope I hope!  I am ready to nest!

Here is my belly!  I know I missed a picture from last week…. We’ve actually missed two pictures of my full body transformation that we take in front of the white board.  We’ve been busy/tired/lazy.   I think my belly looks outrageously bigger.  I wish it was possible for you all to SEE the foot that is constantly poking out of my side.  It’s pretty wild and completely amazing.