I’m not sure how many of your infertile ladies out there have had this problem, but I thought I’d share my experience.
My family doesn’t know about the infertility and the fertility treatments. There are a lot of reasons why, but it boils down to two big ones. 1. My family is insane and would call me constantly telling me things I already know. 2. It would worry them, and they have millions of other things to be worried about. I suppose this means I am both selfish AND concerned. I can live with that.
So, not knowing our circumstances, I can excuse my sister for doing THAT game during my baby shower. I think you all know the one. The one where after you’re done opening your gifts someone stands up and repeats back all of the comments you made, saying that these were comments made on the night your baby was conceived. Usually it’s things like “Oh, look how cute and tiny it is!” or “I’ve never seen one so small!” Sure, it’s amusing, but to the closeted infertile, it’s awkward. Made even more awkward by the fact that my friends DO know what I’ve been through. I’ve never heard a room so quiet. I was appreciative of them not finding this amusing.
It made me wonder how many other people have had to go through something like this. How many of you have had your friends decide to play this game without your knowledge? I understand my situation is a little backwards in that my family doesn’t know and my friends do, so I assume that if anyone has this problem, it would be a friend thinking it was a good idea and the entire family secretly thinking “eh, yikes.”
I wasn’t offended, because there was no way she could know, but I do think the game isn’t amusing. Is it because of my struggles? Maybe. I think it has a lot more to do with the fact that this is a party for a baby. Who wants to think about how that baby was made while at a party featuring rubber duckies, onsies, and colorful cupcakes? I understand it being amusing to do during a bridal shower (depending on how many old-fashioned grandmas are hanging out), but not a baby shower.
I hope that none of you have had to experience this awkward game during your showers. If you have, I hope your friends and family who know your struggles haven’t giggled and forgotten everything you’ve been through.
3 thoughts on “That Game”
Something similarly embarrassing happened to me when I left my previous job… my boss and a few other colleagues knew about the IVF treatment; the boss gave a farewell speech and wished me good luck with the pregnancy and one of those colleagues who knew said “now we know what you were doing at weekends!” and everybody started laughing. Now, yes it would be fun, if it wasn’t that what I was doing was to have my injections and he was supposed to know… But I decided not to be offended anyway, because I guess that’s the sort of joke they would always do and it would have been strange not doing it, so in this way everything looked normal (to them).
When I was going through treatments, my sister-in-law was pregnant and at her shower there was a “game” that had me in tears when I left. Parts of my husband’s family do know of our struggles but most don’t. Anyway, the game in itself was inocuous, it was what people did afterwards that was humiliating and upsetting. It was the baby in an ice cube thing where whoever has the baby totally free from the ice first wins. Well, someone else won but after everyone around me had theirs free they started putting them in my cup with mine that was still partially frozen. I don’t even remember how many were in the cup by the time I left but everyone kept telling me that these were not so subtle hints that it was “time” for my husband and I to have a baby and kept asking when we would be and if we were trying and generally being obnoxious.
I always thought that game was obnoxious before I went through infertility, still do. My shower is in another few weeks and I am anxiously waiting to see what “games” my mother has in store for me. Luckily, my friend is the one really running the show and has been in the know during our journey from day one. That, and my shower is purposely co-ed because I don’t want to be subjected to that stupidity!