I’m a little confused about something, so I thought I’d write about it and see if anyone has any ideas. Maybe someone else understands this…
My family seems to think that they should all come up here and be here during the birth, while I’m in the hospital, and when I get home. I get that we will probably need some help and guidance for the first few days, but holy cow, I do not want eight people all up in our business during the craziest moments of our lives. I mean, am I completely crazy?? Is it wrong to only want your parents and your husbands parents there? Could you imagine getting home from the hospital with a newborn, your FIRST baby, and everyone is everywhere, and your house is in chaos, and everyone wants to put their two cents in to how you are doing everything? That seems more stressful than having to go through labor…. and it honestly might be.
Not to mention that my sister keeps asking me how long it took us to get pregnant, which I don’t think is anyone’s business. She doesn’t even know about what we went through, yet for some reason she wants to know. Is this something that everyone shares with people? If you are a normal person, who can get pregnant like nature intended, do you get offended when someone basically asks you how long you and your husband were humping before you got conceived? Because that’s basically what she’s asking. I find it rude. If someone wants to offer that information to you that’s one thing, but you don’t ask. Right?
Ugh, maybe I’m just too worked up tonight. I’m already stressed out because my dad had a heart attack last night. I’m not super surprised, because heart problems run in my family and he’s a smoker and a drinker, and has a horrendous diet, but it’s still a shock to hear that your dad is in the hospital and had to have a stint put in, and that he has muscle damage on 20% of his heart. He described it as having “20% of his heart die,” which freaked me out a good deal. I’m the calm one, the rational one, so I don’t get worked up over things like this, but I still want him to be healthy and happy for a lot longer, so I am upset. I’m hoping this is the big push my family needs to get themselves into a healthier lifestyle. My dad hates being in the hospital and feeling helpless, so if anything is going to help him get on the ball, it’ll be this…. as sad as it is to say that having a heart attack is the only thing that might get through to him.
I’m now going to go hang out with my husband and relax. Try to forget about all of this stress. I just had to vent though. My husband let me vent and then decided that I was too worked up and needed to stop talking about it all together. He’s right, but I think one last outlet on my anger was very helpful.
I hope you are all enjoying your weekend!
Wifey, Mommy, and What Have You 
I’d tell your family you appreciate all the support but once you bring the baby home you would like your attention focused on the baby. All the family in town will be too distracting. Especially if they’ll be staying with you. That’s insane.
I forget, does your sister already have kids? If that’s the case tell her it only took a couple months to shut her up. If she doesn’t have kids she may be reaching out for help with her own difficulties conceiving.
I surely hope your father is alright and this will be a wake up call to start taking better care of himself.
That’s my 2 cents.
Yea, telling my family what I want is like telling the wall what I want, neither of them hear me. They will just assume that I don’t know what I’m talking about because I’ve never had a child before and they will all swarm to the hospital and the house. I’d really like to just have me and my husband and the hospital staff. The problem is that in my (very large) family, everyone has had their children in the same hospital, right down the road from where everyone lives. So (I kid you not) each time someone is in labor, there will be at least 10-12 people in the hospital room at a time. It’s insanity. They really take that “it takes a village” thing to heart.
My sister has two children. She got pregnant both times on her first tries. She’s fertile Myrtle. She assumes there is something wrong with me, and she’s too damned nosy to not ask about it.
(I think I’m still a little riled up)
I hope my dad gets his butt into shape too! Thanks!
I think it’s perfectly fine to only want your and your husband’s parents at the hospital for the birth and I’d say just your husband in the room for the actual delivery! 🙂 sorry to hear about your Dad and his heart. I hope he is doing well, good thing they caught it when they did!
I hope you father gets well soon! And there is still some time to convince your relatives to leave you alone at the hospital…
Those first few days are precious, and you never get those moments back. Even if you have more children its completely different because this is your time as first time parents. The less people the better. You aren’t going to want to play pass the baby when you have waited all this time. Tell then you appreciate that they are all excited and you will let them know when you are ready for visitors. Personally I think all that family around steals time from dad for bonding, especially if he has taken time off work for the new baby, because he can’t grab the baby and run off to the bedroom to breast feed. I let no one visit till dad returned to work. Sorry to ramble but its about them respecting your new family
You are absolutely right. (I enjoy a good ramble.. no worries there :))
I never considered the bonding time with my husband. He will probably only be home for a week or two, and the first week would be so important for us to work together to learn how to become a family of three.
I don’t have high hopes for them listening to me, but I hope that some sense will come to them in the next few months.
Thank you so much! This was very helpful! 🙂
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, I will pray for him for healing and that this will help him to get healthy. I will also send you prayers for the stress you are feeling from your families. I hope you and your family can work it out so that you and your husband can enjoy the baby and not be overwhelmed by family.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. They are very much appreciated. 🙂
perhaps im being a bit too black and white so feel free to ignore me… but IF we ever get pregnant…. I would definitely not have anyone there. I have told my family (mum) that she can wait outside if she wants as can the wifes mum. but thats it. I dont want anyone in the room, and i dont even want the wife looking whilst i give birth, there will be enough doctors and midwives poking around without anyone else staring. she can just hold my hand! lol. and then when i have given birth and everyones had a cuddle for a few hours, they can all bugger off. It will just me ad the wife plus the bubba going home, for like a week. you need to bond with your baby and have just family time, you will be exhausted and need to work out what works for you guys. well thats what i am going to do anyway, obviously up to you who you have with you. But I just feel like i will have gone through hell and back in labour, I do not need anyone criticising how i change a nappy or how i hold my child which i will have just carried for NINE months!!!
Thank you for your lovely reply to my post! I’ve just been reading your blog and geez, there are a lot of common themes here!!! Good on you for keeping your little girl’s name a secret – I’m sure it is beautiful, and like you said, if others don’t like it then they can stick their opinion where the sun don’t shine!
I totally understand your concern about having everyone there after the birth. Is there someone else they can stay with? I’m facing the same dilemna as my family are all interstate and desperate to be there for a while after the baby arrives. Look forward to hearing what you decide, but it sounds like you’ve already made up your mind and just need to find the right way to tell them 😉
Do what is right for you – they will get over any perceived slight very quickly, I’m sure!
X