It’s pointless to say that injecting 600 units of hormone inducing medicines into your body will make you feel “off.” Most of you are with me on this, or soon will be, or have been. I feel like a pin cushion. Good thing it’s only one injection a night. Luckily, I’ve only had one visible bruise, the rest of them can only be felt and not seen. I am feeling tired, very tired… exhausted. I remember this from the IUI rounds, but I feel like it’s doubled with this amount of meds. My abdomen feels like it’s pressurized (which I guess is good? Go ovaries, go?) and my back is achy. Headaches are standard, and feeling “out of it” is an understatement. My husband likes to giggle at my “out of itness,” I don’t blame him, I feel like I’m barely functioning the past couple days.
I think my exhaustion and space cadet status are all exaggerated by my fear that we may have to give up on this cycle, therefore giving up on biological children. It’s scary. I had prepared myself for maybe the fresh cycle not taking an having to try a frozen, and maybe even the frozen not working, but not even being able to implant anything is just not something I saw coming. I keep wanting to blame ourselves for taking the nine months off between IUI and IVF, but, come on, who could have known that my overflowing PCOS ovaries were going to empty out? No one on earth could have seen that coming. My doctor is still completely confused by it, and he’s a fertility specialist that does this for a living. If that’s not saying something, I don’t know what is.
I don’t believe in that “everything happens for a reason” thing. I used to, but then I realized that if I believed in that, I’d have to believe that there is a reason for kids being molested and murdered, and that is not a possibility. Plus, there is no reason that this universe wouldn’t want a little baby made of half me, half my husband, because we are adorable! 🙂
8:15am tomorrow morning…. bring it.