Waiting Before The Waiting

My husband and I decided in January that we were going to give the treatments a break.  After four rounds of IUI meds, my body was a wonderland of insanity.  I spent three or four days straight on the couch sobbing.  No idea why, just did.  It usually came after my follistim injection… so i’m thinking my body might have been ODing on hormones a bit.

The wait has been agonizing at times.  I wonder if we would have already been pregnant by now had we continued straight away with the IVF.  Or maybe if we had given my body a two or three month wait.  Then I think that maybe I will never get pregnant and by now I’d be a miserable sobbing sack of crap.  At least we would know for sure by now whether adoption was the next step in starting our family.  Really though, what’s nine months in the long run?  Well, to be truthful, it’s a LONG time!  I could have made a human in that amount of time!  You know, if my body did that sort of thing.

There have been so many pregnancy announcements and newborns on my facebook feed.  Sometimes I wish I had quit it for good.  After all of the treatments failed, I had to take a two month break.  It was marvelous. Why did I ever go back?

Now that the time is getting near, I’m getting antsy and nervous.  This is huge.  This is our last shot.  What if it doesn’t work?  I’m not opposed to adoption, but I can’t imagine not having an adorable little baby with my husbands face and personality.  Thinking of not having a tiny him is almost too much to bare.  I’m pretty cool and all, but he is just amazing. IVF is the last step to try and accomplish that dream.

So what happens if the tries don’t work?  How many do we try?  Would we eventually give up and try to adopt or would we continue until I run out of eggs and have nothing left but shriveled, empty ovaries. ( Is that even possible?)

The pretesting begins in August when we get back from vacation.  This will be the blood test, saline ultrasound and the mock transplant.  If all goes well, September will be the big month.  So close… so far away…… no way to know what the outcome will be.

Tick-tock tick-tock…… My uterus sure does sound like a clock for some reason…