I love my husband. I know a lot of people say that their husband is their best friend, but I actually mean it. I don’t just say that in front of people or around his family in order to make them think everything is perfect. I honestly mean it with all my heart, and everything is perfect (other than not being able to conceive, which surprisingly enough, has nothing to do with how we feel about each other).
I have never once been angry at my husband about this whole baby mess. I think this must be rare from what I’ve heard from my friends and from what I’ve read online. Here is the deal though… It’s not HIS fault. It’s not MY fault. Sometimes these things just happen. Being upset with your husband for not getting pregnant is ridiculous and shameful. Don’t you think he feels just as bad as you do? I know it’s hard to believe since most men seem to be robotic at times, but it’s true. They just either hide it well because that’s how they were raised, or they do it because they know that if one of you needs to be upset and show it, it should be you. You should thank him for that. He loves you and he’s wiping away your tears even when they are mixed with snot.
I’ve heard stories of friends being upset at their husbands because they think it’s his fault the timing was off. “He had to work late and we missed our ovulation time slot!” Okay, I get it, but was he working to pay for these fertility treatments? Would it have been beneficial for him to pick up and come home and risk his job and the baby making funds? It’s not an EXACT to the minute science, ladies. There is an optimal window, yes, but him being an hour late would not be a big enough issue to ruin your marriage over. Should you be upset? Yea! He knew when this was happening! But you need to realize that sometimes things are unavoidable. It is almost impossible to plan out your life to the minute, but this becomes more noticeable when you have to plan fertility treatments like that.
“It’s HIS sperm count! There isn’t anything wrong me ME!” Well, you getting mad at him for a low sperm count would make me think that there IS something wrong with you after all. Do you think he wants a low count? Of course not! For some reason, that is a sign of manliness. I would think there would be better signs, like amount of chest hair and ability to bench-press things. (After all, are you going to show another man your sperm count paperwork? hmm.. you are, aren’t you?) Be nice! He’s just as stressed as you are, and making him feel like less of a man is not at all helpful. Emasculate him a little more and see if he can even work it when the time comes. He might be late at work a lot more often. Who would want to make a baby with a mean woman? Now, don’t get me wrong, he still wants some, but he might be a little less loving afterward, especially if you’re yelling at him to “make more sperm! Do it again! We need more swimmers! SWIM SWIM SWIM little defects!”
What I’m getting at here is that this is something that has to be between you two and ONLY you two. You need to learn to direct your anger at something else. If you are mad that his sperm count is low, get some boxers, keep his phone away from the junk, and limiting his …umm… expulsions to every 2-3 days will also help the numbers build a little better. No more than 3 days though, or they start to go bad.
Love your spouse and be understanding. Think of how you’d feel if he were the one giving you a hard time because your ovaries didn’t work. If you can’t put the blame aside, then going through fertility treatments is only going to make you both miserable. You must be on the same page. You must love each other. You MUST QUIT blaming one another.
I like to blame work. When I do that enough, I tend to make myself believe I need a day off. Three day weekend? Oh yea!