Beginnings

This is my very first post on my very second blog.  I started with a blogspot page, but the fear of having my family find it through my gmail name was too much stress.  

I’m usually pretty open with my family.  They are loving and insane and I do trust them.  The only problem is that they are TOO interested, and way too worried about small things.  So how am I supposed to tell them that my husband and I are plagued with infertility?

We started trying to conceive in February of 2010.  I went off birth control in November  and gave it the standard three month break before trying.  I should have known immediately that we were going to have problems.  It took those three months for me to have a cycle.  This wasn’t unusual. This is how my body worked. Always had… always will (I’d later find out).  We started trying after the first cycle and over the next year, I had three more cycles and no sign of a baby.  

The next logical step was to visit an OBGYN.  The place seemed legit, from the reviews I could find online, so I made an appointment.  I gave them all of my information.  Three to four cycles a year, high cholesterol without high blood pressure, and even though I had taken ovulation tests for 20 days in the middle of one of breaks, there was never a positive.  I then met with the doctor, for less than five minutes and left with a prescription for Clomid.  Three 50mg rounds and two 100mg rounds later, and still no results.  

It was time for the fertility specialist.  This is where I found out what was wrong with me.  What had been going on my whole life.  The one thing that would explain so many things in my life.  I have PCOS.  For those of you unaware of what this means… it means that I have Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome.  This presents itself in my long lags between cycles, high cholesterol, and excess hair growth.  I showed the specialist my blood work I’d had done in 2008 to prove to him that I had my hormones checked and was told that there was nothing wrong.  He then let me know that my hormone levels were very wrong… and was even quite shocked to find out that the doctor had checked them while I was on birth control.  He could tell by my hormone levels, while on birth control, that they were way off.  This, coupled with a low sperm count with low motility and high morphology from my husband, lead me to believe that our chances were slim.

The doctor was optimistic though.  We decided to try IUI (Intra uterine insemination).  Three rounds later I had nothing to show for all our hard work except a miscarriage (at 4.5 weeks) and $9,000 in the toilet.  I was crushed.  I cried a lot.  I still do cry a lot, but it’s not as crippling now.

Our next step is Invitro.  I am very excited and I am ready to try this next (and final) step.  It’s going to cost a lot, financially and mentally, but I’m ready!  This blog is here to help me share my experiences with infertility.  I’m hoping it will help to keep me sane…. or at least help others learn that they are not alone.  I’ve had so many bad doctors, and unhelpful friends and more bad days than I can count… but I’ve also become much closer to my husband.  This struggle has only brought us closer together. I’ve also rekindled a friendship from my past with a friend with infertility.  I’m not sure what I would have done without her.  I am thankful everyday for her and my husband.

I’ve got three months until we begin…. and hopefully this beginning will lead to many others!

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